What a nice day. Like these - sunny, comfortable yet cool, dry. Praying for those that are wet. How sad and scary. Weather - what a challenge it is at times.
I'm not breathing yet. Still waiting on things with the house. Makes moving a disappointing, upsetting change instead of a happy, exciting one. We ended up having to get a second mortgage..... on a house we haven't even moved into yet!! And we are waiting for the paperwork to be finished, then sent to the lawyers etc. I'm so scared and nervous about it. I do believe it will work out in the end - I just don't want the end to be near or over the last minute! The mortgage broker is now not really talking with us, and just very business like. I suspect since he is covering for the original guy, that he's just going to let everything slip until next Tuesday when the original guy is back. And we are to move in on the Friday of next week. The lawyer and insurance still have to do there stuff too.
Got so bad I ended up crying to my mother. Not someone I want to go to. Not that she could do anything about it, she doesn't have access to that kind of money asap. Besides, it's not like we don't have the money, well, I guess we don't until we get the money from our current house..... I can't breathe. I am nervous all over the place, and trying to keep positive and calm. And pack.
I've got almost everything packed because I can't just sit, so I go and pack. We still have a few weeks until the movers come. Thinking we will be eating off of paper plates and fast foods. Which to mention about food/ eating - that's going ok considering everything else. The appointment with Marly must have done something - yeah!
Back to the new house - I am nervous, and wonder if we will live there long. Not this current issue, but after we get in and settled. I sometimes wonder if we will decide to move again. At least we won't have the issue about bridge loans as we will be in a freehold house and not on leased land. The leased land is what screwed us with the bridge loan issue.
I worry about AJ's health as he has been peeing a lot more lately, last time ended up with cancer in his kidney and removed right kidney, so he's only got one left. The EGR test shows his level is 42. Better then the 34 he was last year, but still. Seeing the kidney doc Sept 11th.
Will I want to live in our new home all alone? I don't know, of course, especially since we aren't there yet. I think I would want to. I really don't want to keep moving. AJ says I can hold the house, I just have to be wise with $$$. We had that talk because I was concerned and worried. He's a good man, a wonderful hubby, and watches over me. I am so thankful for him. I know / I don't see me ever being with someone else after him. I just can't see me wanting to. I can't see me being able to meet someone new. I can't see me being very sociable in Strathroy to such a point that there would be someone else. I'm opting for making some friends when I get there, but I'm not overly depending on it. Not that I'm not friendly etc, just the way life is for me.
It's too exhausting to be someone I'm not, to pretend - or the fake it until you make it idea. I understand changing and stretching, growing out of your (my) comfort zone idea, and for that I'm good with, hoping for, aiming to do. Reset me back to original programming, ha ha ha. I like that, I'd like to remember/know who that person is and be her because that is truly me as opposed to a fake me.
And maybe that person is able to breathe, no matter what. 👄😸
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