Nope

Not well.  Wiped.  Back to bed. Ta

Sunny Days

Ah, sunshine.  Finally.  It's been sunny and semi-warm here lately.  And it's going to last for another 2 days.  I got to clean up the yard.....I have a puppy remember.  

What's so funny with Jax is during the winter he would run his trails - and now with all the snow gone, you can see he will still sometimes run those imaginary trails.  I was talking with a woman who helps run the dog park here and she suggested I go around 9am and/or send out a note asking for someone who can meet so the dogs can play.  She said there were some good people around, and the dogs were good.  I think in about a month I will go and check it out.

Tomorrow is going to be busy.  We have to go to London for walker supplies for AJ's walker, and it's Global Pets senior day.  Then we have company coming over in the afternoon - which we will go out for dinner with.  Because of that, I had to do some of the shopping for stuff today.  I still need to wipe down/clean a bit for tomorrow as Bruce is allergic to cats.

Made Cinnamon Pork in the slow cooker last night, so we'd have dinner ready tonight. Thankfully it's almost dinner time - I'm hungry!!

I have been a bit down lately, and not feeling like saying much - as you can probably tell with these posts.  Not sure why I'm down.  Things are going well.  I wonder if it's the Metho.  I did a shot yesterday.  I'm doing them every other week now as I'm just too down, wiped and hungry most of the time if I do them every week.  I don't know if that works.  I have another month until I see my RA doc to ask her.  I don't know what else to take as I've basically tried everything for RA.  Going off will give me some time with just the basic pain, but eventually will hit me with major pain again - as it usually does when I stop the Metho.

My hip has really been aching too.  Makes walking difficult.  I think I will ask RA Doc for an MRI on my low back / hips.  

I'm ready for dinner.

Ta

Something Good

Like others I get emails to forward on.  Mostly I don't.  And there are a lot about 'be positive' etc.  But this one (I hope I did this right, and it came out) was one that struck me as unusual.  Not that the message was different, but the way it was delivered and said.

I liked it.  I hope you do too.

Who's in the Bathroom?

When we lived in our old house it was one small floor.  We could basically tell where everyone (pets and us) were.

In this house, it's many levels.  Basement, family room level, main floor level, upper bedroom levels.  And there are weird noises that we are still learning.  We will be sitting in the family room level and hear these thumping and bumping sounds in the bedrooms.  Or banging from outside.  Now I KNOW the banging outside is the neighbour, and I KNOW the thumping upstairs is Princess deciding to play with Penny Penguin. (little ball toy - which I have to find since it's missing off the bed now)

But what was really weird was the other day AJ was cleaning my bathroom (his job is bathrooms and dishes/kitchen) I came in with the vacuum and back out.  Later I went in to use the room and opened the door, there on the floor was - 

Now, that's a kinda neat looking knob.  On the back it was broken off, all metal.  Wasn't a usual button.  No where in the bathroom had anything that would have that / have it come off.  AJ couldn't figure it out either.

So..... who was in the bathroom?

Was it under something and between cleaning / vacuuming / and possibility the cats did it come out?  Was it from when the painters were here a while ago and now suddenly appeared?  What would it fit with?  I really  like the spiral.  

I was showering the next day and suddenly I knew the answer!  I knew who was in the bathroom...

It was ME!

As I showered I looked down towards my slippers/shoes and saw and empty round mark. After I got out, I looked at the other slipper and sure enough - there was the same knob.

It's funny how one finds something and can't figure out how it got there.

Ok, not the most exciting mystery story.  ha ha ha

Today I'm still worn from yesterday's trip.  Thankfully I didn't do much today.  I did get to walk Jax this afternoon as AJ was in physio.  Tomorrow and the weekend doesn't have much going on - which is good, I have books to read!  And hot chocolate to drink.  😺😺

Michael's Sale

This morning I got an email that Michael's Store had a 50% sale on art stands.  What!  AJ lets go, change your physio appoint to tomorrow as the sale ends tomorrow.

So off we went, put Jax in daycare (think he was glad as the last few days have rained and I haven't even walked him much).  

Got the stand and a few paints.  Look forward to continuing painting.

We did some shopping of course since we were in London.

Which ends up being a very long day.

Yup.  That's it.  Will write tomorrow.

Night.  

Ta

Clarified....

I was thinking when I went to bed last night about my last quick post.  I think I wrote it quickly without adding a few thoughts.

1.  My Brother in Law is NO WHERE near what my father was like.  My bil is a nice person, with challenges being married, and married to my sister, and having kids.  He's got his days where he flies off the handle and yells - just like my sister.  Bil loves his kids, and also my sis.  But from my perspective - sometimes I wonder if divorce would have been easier for both of their lives.  And the boys.

2.  Judging.  I'm not judging either of their choices.  They must live their lives as they believe is right.  I had a lot of therapy (which neither was ever interested in), did a lot of work emotionally, learned to detach from a lot of family drama, and ended up marrying a very different type of man.  Not to say I am without family drama, I do still have issues that I get caught up in, get hurt by and squawk about.  Then I work at healing them.  Hopefully.

That being said.  I really do understand when my mom says - how could I leave?  I didn't read english well, I had no money, no car, 2 little girls, and no friends who believed me (about her husband's abuse).  Most of her friends were busy having an affair with my father.  He thought mom was stupid and would tell them she was.  They thought he was wonderful, handsome and generous - I mean, really, he would take them out to fancy restaurants/ hotels etc, what did it matter that mom was unable to figure out what to make for dinner.  And boy did he get violent if there wasn't dinner ready for him when he got home.  

I can see and understand that she felt at that time that she could not leave.  There was no support.  A bit of a difference though, is that my sis has support and there is a lot more for those who leave spouses.  Mom always said to her, don't leave your house or else you will lose it.  And you will lose the boys to him.

One of the interesting things AJ mentioned in the car, is that not only would there be custody - but that mom would lose HER access to the boys - which is / was a lot.  She was there almost every day.  Mom even told me when sis would talk of divorce - if she (sis) would leave then we (truly her) would not see the boys so much.  Family is everything to her.  She's second oldest of 7 and always wanted 6 kids. (oh Lord, that would have been interesting!!)  All that matters to her is family - and to her family that matters is THE BOYS.  She's told me this a few times over the years.  No surprise that helped me step back and know better where I stood with her. 

3.  When mom talked of Him (my father/her husband) she talked that he must be sad and lonely as he lost a lot.  I said, no.... I don't think he sees it that way.  She said but he has no family.  We get together all the time, we see each other, talk etc.  What does he have, besides his girlfriend and travelling.  I said - but that's what he always wanted (he told me this) all he ever wanted was his own money (girlfriend has to pay all her own share, or leave him), he always just wanted to travel (has done this for 30 yrs now) and date/ have sex with who he wanted.  (that I'm guessing he's done too).  Mom says her sister in Europe says he's old and bent over though.  (Her sis socializes with him, and also talks with mom)

That may be the case, but doesn't mean he's not happy with his choices.  Yes, he doesn't have contact with us - but then he never really wanted us.  I can see - per AJ and mom - that yes, he might think of us, and wish a visit, but I don't believe in the overall that he's sad about that.  Then again, I can only go on what I remember of him.  In the years of my 20's, early 30's I did have contact with him after their divorce.  It was a bit more of an adult conversation type, both made a bit of an effort to talk.  Until the day he blew and started yelling at me on the phone as he didn't like what I was saying.  I thought - I don't need this and hung up.  We never talked after that.  Even though I did send him a few emails, there was never a response.  In those talking years, he would talk to me of what matter to him.

I could see that my statements, though kindly said, were upsetting and confusing mom.  I said - but then, your life is much better, and you are much more happier without him.  Oh yes! And I backed off.  I do have empathy for her and there is no point or no healing if I push what I have observed and learned.  Sometimes healing is allowing.  I'm good with that.

She needs to believe that he's the one that lost out.  That she won.  She's not bitter, just because of all the hurt and pain she lived thru with him, she needs to believe he has paid somehow for it.  I can understand that.  With the struggle of the abuse I dealt with in therapy, I so wanted him to pay somehow.  That God would do justice.  I knew we couldn't do anything.  In time, I came to the point, whether he 'pays' somehow or not isn't going to change anything.  And I don't know if he really has sorrow over the past - he always told me that he was a great dad and husband - just problems over the years.  With his mental illness, he believes he never did anything wrong - because in his mind - well, he didn't.  

He has shaped and written his story as he wants and believes it to be.  Just as my mother, my sister and including me - have shaped and written our stories as we believe.  And future chapters are what we create on our own.  Such is life.

Update

Quickie.

AJ went yesterday to the doc - the answer is, basically his lower spine is compressing and there's not much that can be done.  Go to physio, take pain pills, exercise as best as he can.  It's basically great news as it means his hip is still good and no surgery required.  So now he's good with everything that is going on with him and going to live.  Yeah!

I looked into Feng Shui's Year of the Dog.  Found out that a Rabbit born in 1963 who is married has to watch out because they are at risk of having an affair.  I told AJ about it.  We laughed. I can't see either of us having an affair. Too much work.

Went to my mom's today.  Was a nice time.  Weather was great, drive was good.  Mom had a wine with AJ and then she started talking about her marriage to my father (not that it was a wonderful marriage).  She basically had started talking of my sis's marriage and comparing.  And went into the horrible things father did.  Sis's isn't that great either - from my point of view and what I hear.  Mom couldn't leave because she believed she couldn't, and when sis fought, mom would tell her to stay, so my sis couldn't leave either because my mom couldn't do it, didn't believe my sis would come out better then her.  So mom stayed until we (sis and I) were almost 20+ years old, and father pushed too far and mom got enough courage to have him leave.  Hence, I wonder if mom will 'let' my sis leave one day - and if at that time my sis will have any strength to even leave.  My sis also apparently had a mild heart attack a while ago.  The joys of my family.

In the end as AJ and I talked about it in the car - Not my circus, not my ponies or elephants. (I don't like monkeys....childhood abuse memories/issues).  I'm so very grateful I got out from out under my mother's control.  And basically detached from most of the drama.

Tired tonight.  Look forward to bedtime....maybe bedtime can be now.

Romance At It's Finest

So yesterday was Valentine's Day.  After 9 years together, we still enjoy going out.  This year, being romantic I suggested the museum.  Well, actually, I suggested on Monday since we didn't have any plans on Wednesday - let's go to the museum because we wanted to see the exhibit.  It didn't clue in that Wednesday was Valentine's Day.  But still, sounds good that we went out on Valentine's Day.  Right?

We have a little museum at the library.  It does a good job.  It has an exhibit until April on Funeral Rites and Burials.  Ha ha ha - now that's romantic!  Then too I had paid for the weight scale for AJ - even more romantic.

On Tuesday we had gone to London.  Needed to get some birdseed along with other things, and as I walked into the bird store I saw a sign.  Perfect.  I picked that up too.  Got back into the car and said to AJ (he didn't come in with me) you just got me a wonderful Valentine present. Oh....uh.....what did I get you?

I liked it.  I had the star and diamonds and on Valentine's Day I got the present.... I was so surprised.  I said now I just need the diamonds.  AJ kindly informed me that I had 'those big glass diamonds you had bought a few years ago.'  Ugh - not the kind I was thinking of, but that was funny.  So I found them, along with the star and added them to the sign.  I like it.

He also got me some flowers.  As we were in the grocery store he said he was going to get me flowers (surprised me) and asked me to pick out what I wanted.  They had roses etc all around $25.00.  And then over on the other side tulips for $7.00.  I said I wanted the tulips.  I really didn't want $25 flowers.  And the tulips - orangy/red with yellow - were delightful.

Sad part about Valentine's Day was I was ill.  I had tried and taken a Metho injection on Tuesday afternoon.  I've been having trouble breathing - explains why all those months I couldn't breathe but my xrays etc would be clear.  I'm wiped - standing around reading, I could just drop to the floor with the fatigue.  And I'm hungry!  I'm not hungry as I full and I can feel that, but my head keeps wanting to eat.  Like the switch will not turn off.  I didn't have all this issues last week.  Last week I was feeling good, clear, walking Jax, cleaning, happy.  This week I'm sleeping every 2 hours because I'm so wiped. And walking Jax .... poor guy is missing it.  We were going to go out to eat after the museum, but I just couldn't.  I had to get home and sleep.  We did get some Timmie's and AJ won a free coffee.  My luck so far is zero.  His - muffin and a coffee.

We want to go to my mom's on Saturday.  I'm hoping by tomorrow (Friday) I will start to feel better so that I can do the long drive on Saturday.  AJ feels bad for me and wishes he could do something to make me feel better......hummmmmm that SUV?  🚗😀

That Heart

Valentines Day is coming up.  Growing up it never was a day I cared for as I usually, mostly didn't have anyone.  So I ate the chocolates and bought extra chocolates for me to gift myself.

Now I have a Valentine.  And he's a sweetie you know.  Wanted to get me a bar chair for Valentine as I said I wanted one to sit in the kitchen and watch the birds.  Told him no, don't get it, it's too cramped in the kitchen to put a chair in.  I said you don't have to get me anything.  And really, I can't think of anything I want.  He got me flowers a while ago - that was special.  Told him to write me a love letter.  His response..... you know that's not me.  Yeah, but if you know that's all I really ever want from you, wouldn't you stretch just that bit, write one to the one person who you say means the world to you?  I don't see me getting any  love letter.....

I didn't know what to get him either.  He wanted a new scale as he says the other gives different readings.  So I said I'd buy him that.  Now that's love eh.  A weight scale for the one you love.  Ha ha ha.

Yuph, nothing says loving like getting someone a scale for Valentine.  

Then again, he was happy with it.  I gave it to him already.  Though clearly not a present he is to give to me.

So, we are back to what do I want.  He will probably, if he can get out, get me a few lotto tickets.  That's ok.  Thought I'd get him a few too to put in the cards.

What I'd really like is .... an SUV.  He's fine with that - if we had the money.

I was getting into the shower the other day, and suddenly it came to me that I now wanted a brand new, fully loaded, smokey-grey coloured 2018 SUV (Ford Escape keeps coming to me).  So I sent that out to the Universe to deal with.  I also added that I wanted one that was amazingly well made, safe and easy to maintain.  Later I realized we will need to get new tires for the car we have, so I need this SUV to come before we have to buy the summer tires for this car.  This or something better now comes my way.

Maybe I should go check those lotto tickets.

Nephews

I have nephews.  I have a bunch on my hubby's side, but my sister has 2 boys (16 and 15)  Dean and Matt.  Those are usually the ones I think of as my nephews.  AJ's.... some are older then me!

I was speaking with my mom, letting her know we weren't coming down today and she told me what was happening with the 'boys'.  This morning I f/b my sis and she responded so I called her.  Asked how things were.  She was a tad....grumpy?  She always seems to be a bit defensive towards me, or angry at me, or the world.  I'm never exactly sure, but her tone tends to be hard when we talk.

I asked how she was, that I heard.  She said what did you hear.  Told her.  She said there was more.

When Dean was born I knew he was going to have challenges.  When Matt was born, I knew he was going to be more along the lines of the usual issues.  I sensed he was going to handle things better then the older one.  Dean was/is more sensitive.  Empath even.  And growing up in that house, with the yelling etc between everyone, wasn't going to do well for either of them.

Sis says he's lost.  I don't think so.  Sis says he wants to be dead.  That I can see.  He's doing things like standing on the train tracks waiting for a train.  Police saw him, and brought him home - said he was going to jump as the train was coming.  He wants to be in the army - which my sister is starting to let - but wants to be a regular soldier with a gun, be sent to war and die.  Sis is hoping he'll get into army university and get a career.  Dean lost his co-op job because of doing something dumb.

Dean says he cares about people.  I can see that.  He trusts people....not really the best plan sometimes.  Few months ago my sis was to pick him up at 7pm and as she was driving there, she saw him leaning on a car talking to the person inside.  She freaked.  Drove right up, got out, saw the man - who drove off.  With all the news, she says she thinks it was the guy currently in the news.  My nephew says (my mother asked him) he thinks it's ''that serial killer in the news''.  WHAT.  His take per my sis - oh, I could have fought him.  WHAT?  I don't know if that's invincible youth, stupidity or his path belief that makes him respond like that.  He has high functioning Asperger's and Opposition Disorder.  Yes, he's in counselling.  My sis is at a loss as to what to do to help him.  Can understand that.

I wish I knew what his path was.  I too, wish I knew how to guide him.  Then again - I basically never see the boys and rarely talk with them.  Matt is being argumentative.  But it sounds more teenager stuff.

I'm surprised in a way that Dean hasn't gotten into drugs or drinking.  Maybe that's still to come.  He's very argumentative.  As much as I know growing up in that house wasn't easy, I also know my sis (and hubby etc) genuinely care and love the boys - they want what's best and them to be happy, healthy and safe. I don't think Dean loves himself.  But then I could be totally and completely wrong too.  I don't know him that well at all.  Either of them really.

Matt was my boy.  Dean was the first boy so the grandparents doted on him.  Matt came more to our house, and because Dean was difficult as a baby my sister was exhausted so I tended to get more of him.  I don't think his feet touch the ground his first year.  He was always wanting to be held.  As time went on, I got less and less of Matt and my sister took more control over him too.  Besides he was getting older etc, and I worked.  In time.....I moved and life went on.  

I knew he wasn't mine, so I backed off.  And I knew I couldn't help with Dean.  If I mentioned or suggested something to my sis, it wasn't taken well.  No matter how kindly I worded it.  And I knew too, it wasn't my place really to say anything, they all had to live their lives - it would play out as it would.  I'm not surprised how it's playing out.  Which doesn't mean I still don't wish I could help.  My heart is sad for them all even though it knows it's a path in life they must walk.  Other sad thing is, after I spoke with my mom, that night I was telling AJ about it, and I said I wouldn't be surprised if one day Dean is dead.  Not that I want that to happen!  I want him to find his path out and into his soul.  Next day my sis tells me all the ways he's trying to die.  Sigh.

In the end, I just send them all love, light, healing and Divine guidance.

The Beat Goes On

Do you feel the music?  Can you feel the beat?  Are you listening to it at night?

It's Binaural Beats!!!

Yes, I mentioned it before.  Bit more information on it from Binaural Beats Meditation 

 What most people don't realize is that although the creation of binaural beats music has only been possible through technological advancement in the last 100 or so years, the use of this natural science dates back thousands of years.

Ancient cultures were aware of how the brain could be entrained through sound repetition well before modern science was able to prove the process.

Now of course, in times past, societies didn't refer to this science as binaural beats, but what they did know was that consistent, rhythmic sound had extremely powerful healing and spiritual benefits.

Scientist Melinda Maxfield, PhD, conducted research on the drumbeats used during rituals of ancient cultures and found that they generally beat at a steady rate of 4.5 beats per second.

This consistent beat induces a trance-like state for the tribe, due to the brain shifting into a 4.5 beats-per-second brainwave frequency, which is a  low Theta brainwave state, as you'll learn about below.

Indeed, in almost every ancient culture, repetitive beat formats have played an important role in wellbeing and prosperity.

For example: through the use of repetitive drumming and chanting, Tibetan monks, Native American shamans, Hindu healers and master Yogis have been able to induce specific brainwave states for transcending consciousness, healing, concentration and spiritual growth.

Brainwave entrainment happens inside the brain, and is caused by a physiological response. Upon hearing two tones of different frequencies – sent simultaneously to the left and right ears – the brain perceives a third tone based on the mathematical difference between the two frequencies.

The brain then follows along at the new frequency and produces brainwaves at the same rate of Hertz (Hz).

For example: if a 200 Hz sound frequency is sent to the left ear, and a 205 Hz to the right ear, the brain will process those two frequencies and perceive a new frequency at 5 Hz.

There is more info of course on the net to check it out.

AJ started using it at night to help with his tinnitus.  Then I realized because I have the old tablet, why don't I use that for me.  So up to the bedroom it went, and I've been listening to numerous ones.  Some on RA, cell healing, weight etc.  Funny thing is with the toning ones I do sorta feel my mid area feeling a bit tight in the morning.  It's not a miracle drug.  But it's helpful.  And I find I'm sleeping better with it.  Especially the sleeping ones.... ha ha ha.


AJ's thigh is hurting again.  Wondering if he will need to get a new hip.  The physio person he goes to for his arm pain says it might be the hip as his hip is about 9 years old now.  Oh joy....not.

As far as my pain...my hip/leg is doing much better.  I started taking the collagen again.  I just find it helps. and I didn't do the Metho injection this week either.  I will inject next week to see if it comes back.  My shoulder, the lasering helped.

Was going to see my mother this weekend, but with the coming snow storm, that plan is out.  We are hunkering down starting tomorrow.  Hope it won't be too bad or a lot of snow. 

Wrong Side

Ugh.  I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I think I should not have gotten out of bed.  Oh, wait... I went to the chair, so that's the problem - I woke up not even in bed.

Not a great night sleep I guess. About 4am I couldn't breathe, and ended up going to get my puffer and going to the chair to sleep until 7am.  I don't know why I couldn't breathe - I could hear the crackling.

Jax had seemed to be 'burpy' which is what woke me at 4am.  I took him out for a pee.  And he came to sleep with me on the chair.  He didn't want his breakfast this morning.  And this afternoon seemed to go outside to toss.  He has eaten since, a bit.

Moonbeam is driving me crazy.  He is fine to poop in the litterbox, but has an issue with peeing in it.  He's peeing in my art room on the small rug.  Tried washing the rug - #$#*@% - now I'm busy steaming the washer for 4 hours.  Threw that out.  Put a pee pad down on the spot.  Before in the old house he had started going on the couch.  Had pads after the first/ second time.  Yes, I took him to the vet, did all the tests.  Nothing is wrong with him.  Some days he's fine with going to the litterbox.  He had started in my bathroom rug, but I started closing the door so now it's the art room.  I don't know what to do.  I've changed the litter, cleaned it spotless.  Even in the old house I was very careful to keep the area and house clean.  People looking said they couldn't smell we had a cat, let alone 2 of them in that place.  He's old.  He's pissing me off with his peeing.

Had to bring AJ to the hospital for a CT scan on his one kidney, he promptly walked me (I was helping him to walk because of the snow etc) into a pole.  That ticked me off today too.  He tends to plan his route but ignores where I walk, though wants me to hold him so he doesn't fall.  Most of the time I tell him he's making me walk into / off of / beside something. You'd think he'd realize....nope.  I'd still be willing to have a day with him walking me into a pole then a day without him.  Doesn't mean he doesn't do things that piss me off.  And I do things that piss him off too, I'm sure, though I don't know what as I'm so fabulously  awesome!

Only one here today that's doing well is my little high maintenance Princess.

Not sure what's set me off today.  Nothing really has happened to put me in this mood.  I'm just pissy angry all over the place.  I'm not interested in talking to anyone either.  Ended up telling AJ I was leaving the hospital as he was going to be over an hour, I just didn't want to sit that long, and I needed to go shopping.  Told him, and kissed him bye.  He agreed that sitting around is boring.  I am pleasant to AJ and others even though I'm in a mood.  Moreso just struggle to talk with anyone or answer questions.

Also I know about Zening and light and mantras and positive outlook etc stuff to do.  Bite me - ha ha ha.  No, I do agree with them and do work at including a better perspective.  Unfortunately standing in my art room (smells ok) and thinking of doing some art to express my feelings...just doesn't cut it today.  Neither does walking in this beautiful sunshine (Jax would go for that idea) way too cold for me still.  Oh, writing is another outlet - guess I've accomplished that.

But what would work great is:

AND MORE

Ok, maybe not, but would be delicious.  😺

Super Sunday

Guess who's ready for the game!  Yeah, right....not me.  Hubby is looking forward to watching it.  He doesn't do anything special like foods or people over etc.  He just likes to watch the game and enjoy it.  I don't mind at all.  I can amuse myself with the computer or reading or cleaning....

Hubby's nickname for me - one of them - is Cuddlefish.  Ok, I bit off on the spelling, but still.

Despite their name, cuttlefish aren’t fish. But unlike almost all fish, a cuttlefish can cuddle.

What does this have to do with the superbowl, you ask?  You wonder?

Absolutely NOTHING!

Reason that came up is because I'm watching Deep Ocean II this afternoon.  Great to be able to go back on some stations.  Gives even more shows to wonder what to watch and why isn't there anything interesting on.....

I don't mind oceans.  We tend to watch a lot of nature shows as I like them.  That and The Dead Files, which I have trouble finding new episodes of.  

They are interesting little guys and gals.

Snowing again.  Neighbour continues to shovel for us.  Bless him.  I'm coughing again.  

Not much else to report today.  

heeheehee.

Present

I got this audiobook the other day called Ah This by.....I'd have to go upstairs to get it.  Basically about Zen etc.

It's got 8 'chapters'.  I have gotten thru chapter one only!  I fell semi-asleep listening to it this morning.  I dreamt I was in a meditation group/room and this guy was lecturing on esoterical stuff.  I had my eyes closed in the dream, and occasionally I was see other things, like a dog, and then thought of taking more photos as I was looking at people's faces in photos (I wonder who they were, and I know I was trying to figure them out in the dream.  There was a few women), then I was sitting on a log with someone else, trying to pay attention to the speaker, occasionally thinking what he was saying was interesting, falling off the log.  I got out of that room/area when he stopped for a moment.  But in another room a woman was continuing the lecture.  So I had to close my eyes and sit again.  I wandered thru a forest.  After a while she stopped talking for a moment, and I started to clap, but she started talking again.  I thought oh, she's not finished, but I really need to stop......  I finally realized and woke!  After 2 hours I was still in chapter 1.  This is going to be long.

What I got that was interesting at the beginning as he talked about that Zen is like the present. You can define the past in time, you can define the future in time, but you can not define present in a timeline.  The present is present and that's what Zen is.  Yes, this is my exsplaining of what I heard.

Also he said that a Master/teacher can not give you the truth.  They can teach you what they know, but they can't give you the truth as you have to find your own enlightenment and truth.

There was another thought about how we all are dying from birth.  That we all are in like caves.  And like Jesus calling out Lazeris from his grave - Jesus didn't go into the grave/cave, he called him out - we are being called out to enlightenment.  Ok there's a lot in that one to discuss and disagree with, but the thought of it is interesting to think on.

After that, I'm not interested in reading today.

We are still playing with the security camera's and feeling better about them.  

Oh wait....I remember something about ABOUT actually being AROUND  The Zen guy was saying that went we talk ABOUT something, we are actually talking AROUND it.  If we talk about God, we actually talk around God.  I don't really remember the whole thought on that, must of been during that dream state.

AJ is continuing to feel better.  So glad.

I got my new tablet so I can play Candy Crush again.  Worse thing - I was at level 720 and now I have to start again.  They didn't transfer over my levels on my games.... that sucks.

Went to Sarnia for AJ's MRI tonight.  Was a good drive.  Will see in about 7-10 days what the results are. 

What a busy week....whew.  Glad tomorrow is sleep in day!

And More

Today we are home for a bit this morning.  This afternoon AJ goes for a follow up with the surgeon.  Hopefully will get the type of cancer on his skin. Yesterday's skin doctor - liked her very much - would like a copy..... and there are a few moles she wants to watch.

She walked in and thought, per her comment, that she would have been seeing me as my face is sore and red.  Roscea, which I know I have.  She said that Metro Cream isn't always the best for it.  Eh, will see, maybe I will make an appointment with her in 6 months when we go back for AJ's follow up.

Got a call from the Sarnia Hospital.  AJ's got an appointment on Friday Feb 2 for his MRI.  At 620pm.  We decided to bring Jax in for overnight care to be on the safe side.  The cats will be ok.  We plan to be back that night, but one never knows with the weather and it's a scary stretch of highway.  We are going up early. 

What a week.  Back to Back to Back doctor appoints for AJ.  

And I'm coughing and sneezing again.  I feel like crap.  My low back/hip right leg is in so much pain I can barely walk.  I've taken to using AJ's stair lift instead of the stairs as it's too painful.  I'm thinking it might be the metho.  Might have to stop it.  I also continue to have that icy/burning sharp pains in my chest (yes the xray was clear - no surprise).  Which again could be related to the the metho.  I trouble lifting my right arm too.  And just plain stiff all over.  I'm thinking of stopping my shots for a bit and seeing what happens.  RA doc wont be thrilled about it, but I can't live this way - I can't move.  I haven't cleaned in months - just the semi-basics.  I had this trouble the last time I was on metho too.  Which was why I stopped then.

Just an emotional, physical wiped out day.