Nephews

I have nephews.  I have a bunch on my hubby's side, but my sister has 2 boys (16 and 15)  Dean and Matt.  Those are usually the ones I think of as my nephews.  AJ's.... some are older then me!

I was speaking with my mom, letting her know we weren't coming down today and she told me what was happening with the 'boys'.  This morning I f/b my sis and she responded so I called her.  Asked how things were.  She was a tad....grumpy?  She always seems to be a bit defensive towards me, or angry at me, or the world.  I'm never exactly sure, but her tone tends to be hard when we talk.

I asked how she was, that I heard.  She said what did you hear.  Told her.  She said there was more.

When Dean was born I knew he was going to have challenges.  When Matt was born, I knew he was going to be more along the lines of the usual issues.  I sensed he was going to handle things better then the older one.  Dean was/is more sensitive.  Empath even.  And growing up in that house, with the yelling etc between everyone, wasn't going to do well for either of them.

Sis says he's lost.  I don't think so.  Sis says he wants to be dead.  That I can see.  He's doing things like standing on the train tracks waiting for a train.  Police saw him, and brought him home - said he was going to jump as the train was coming.  He wants to be in the army - which my sister is starting to let - but wants to be a regular soldier with a gun, be sent to war and die.  Sis is hoping he'll get into army university and get a career.  Dean lost his co-op job because of doing something dumb.

Dean says he cares about people.  I can see that.  He trusts people....not really the best plan sometimes.  Few months ago my sis was to pick him up at 7pm and as she was driving there, she saw him leaning on a car talking to the person inside.  She freaked.  Drove right up, got out, saw the man - who drove off.  With all the news, she says she thinks it was the guy currently in the news.  My nephew says (my mother asked him) he thinks it's ''that serial killer in the news''.  WHAT.  His take per my sis - oh, I could have fought him.  WHAT?  I don't know if that's invincible youth, stupidity or his path belief that makes him respond like that.  He has high functioning Asperger's and Opposition Disorder.  Yes, he's in counselling.  My sis is at a loss as to what to do to help him.  Can understand that.

I wish I knew what his path was.  I too, wish I knew how to guide him.  Then again - I basically never see the boys and rarely talk with them.  Matt is being argumentative.  But it sounds more teenager stuff.

I'm surprised in a way that Dean hasn't gotten into drugs or drinking.  Maybe that's still to come.  He's very argumentative.  As much as I know growing up in that house wasn't easy, I also know my sis (and hubby etc) genuinely care and love the boys - they want what's best and them to be happy, healthy and safe. I don't think Dean loves himself.  But then I could be totally and completely wrong too.  I don't know him that well at all.  Either of them really.

Matt was my boy.  Dean was the first boy so the grandparents doted on him.  Matt came more to our house, and because Dean was difficult as a baby my sister was exhausted so I tended to get more of him.  I don't think his feet touch the ground his first year.  He was always wanting to be held.  As time went on, I got less and less of Matt and my sister took more control over him too.  Besides he was getting older etc, and I worked.  In time.....I moved and life went on.  

I knew he wasn't mine, so I backed off.  And I knew I couldn't help with Dean.  If I mentioned or suggested something to my sis, it wasn't taken well.  No matter how kindly I worded it.  And I knew too, it wasn't my place really to say anything, they all had to live their lives - it would play out as it would.  I'm not surprised how it's playing out.  Which doesn't mean I still don't wish I could help.  My heart is sad for them all even though it knows it's a path in life they must walk.  Other sad thing is, after I spoke with my mom, that night I was telling AJ about it, and I said I wouldn't be surprised if one day Dean is dead.  Not that I want that to happen!  I want him to find his path out and into his soul.  Next day my sis tells me all the ways he's trying to die.  Sigh.

In the end, I just send them all love, light, healing and Divine guidance.