The ending of another year. Many blessings came - and many more will come in 2020.
I think, at this point I am going to stop posting this blog. I've been slowing with it, and really not sure anymore what to write about. And as promised, I am letting anyone reading this still - which I don't think there is anyone - know I'm stopping.
I know that 2020 will bring so many joyous changes and blessings for me. Like $$$$$ and moving, great health, happiness, joyous continued marriage, healthy pets/hubby too! There will be blessings of spiritual growth and insights for me too. I'm looking forward to them.
Wishing all who read this to also have blessings and healings in your life too.
Thank you to all.
Many hugs.
Ta
Happy New Year!
Almost Christmas time. Next week. I have gotten all the presents for hubby and pets, planned what we are going to eat, bought some of it. It's going to be a quiet time. We aren't going anywhere.
Sis said she wasn't wanting family Christmas, and I said we aren't coming down as we didn't know the weather, and to drive 2 hours both ways for dinner - in the dark, not for me. Sis is having family Christmas now. Haven't talked to her in months. She's very busy with her card making business.
I have been feeling better. Glad about that. I went to see the docs. Dr B changed the thyroid med to 105mg from 120mg. Dr G tho..... ugh. He basically said he didn't believe me about my blood pressure as when he took it, it was fine - so I don't need to change my med. So nothing was done about that. Or about my chest pain.
So I went to see Dr Steve today and talked to him about my chest pain and blood pressure. He did his testing and found out it was related to my adrenals. He said that it should bring down my blood pressure and stop my chest pains. I look forward to this! I hope it will work. I appreciate all his willingness to help. He suggested a change with the adrenal pills I use.
Mood wise, Christmas is almost here and over so that will help.
Not much snow here - we had a bit yesterday, neighbour shoveled this morning. Great!!! Not that it really needed it, it will melt by the weekend.
I'm sliding thru Christmas with foods. Not going to overly control it, and lower the Saxenda to 1.8mg instead of 1.8mg plus 5 clicks. I will try again after the holidays.
Ta
Was a nice day today - went to visit mom. She talks about moving to Amica housing. I would LOVE it if she did move there. Then she would sell the house and neither my sis or me would have to clean and sell her house. I'd rather her do it.
Not going to visit her or family for Christmas so this visit was our Christmas visit to her. Went well.
I have been feeling a bit better lately. Glad about that. Going tomorrow to see Dr Steve and Dr Bob. Jax gets to go to daycare - he will love it. Needs to go play. Lilly (Sue's dog) is gone - as in they moved away. I will miss having coffee with Sue. She says they will come down once in a while as she wants Lilly to still go to TWR - best place around. Her hubby still works Mondays here so they can come on that day. Will see how that goes. They are suppose to come next Monday - depends on weather. Everything depends on weather at the moment!
Our friend from the old place, who's wife died this year, is moving too. He's actually at the moment moving closer. He says he will come visit us next year. That will be nice. He's leasing a place close to his brother. If it doesn't work out, he will want to move to BC. He has friends there.
I get to go to Dr B this week too. She's the one that put me on Saxenda. And deals with my thyroid meds. I think she will adjust my thyroid med. I don't think she will stop the Saxenda. I haven't lost any more weight with it at the moment. But then, I haven't been controlling my foods that well - between depression/down, inflamed reactions, and being so tired, I just wasn't able to do it. BUT I haven't gained weight either and that thrills me.
I see Dr G for my blood pressure, which I think makes me tired, and is not controlling my pressure that well for a while now. Between Dr G and Dr B adjusting meds I am hoping I will start feeling better and more up, or at least more energy. Maybe even I can get on the stationary bike for 15 mins a day..... there's a goal.
I continue to listen to Abraham. And read both Abraham and Neville facebook pages. Still find it helps. I really notice that I look at things differently, and try to deal with things differently.
I'm off to eat an apple.
Ta!
I'm in a funk today. Great way to start the beginning of the month. Sigh.
I've been struggling with high blood pressure and the meds aren't bringing it down enough. So I saw my NP - who I do like - and she gave me some new ones, that caused major back pain. So now I need to call her tomorrow and ask her to give me some other ones. I do see the specialist on Friday this week but I don't want to wait that long (6 days), And I'm flaring a bit too - so that means a Methox injection.
I saw Dr Steve a few weeks ago and told him I suspected Epstein Barr Virus is active in me, he tested and I was right. He gave me some homeopathic meds for it. Still on it.
Then I decided to Dr Bob for chiropractic treatments. I do like his treatments - he even adjusted my feet, so helpful. His one thing tho is that he is very focused on HEALTH. Health is number one to him. So he does everything to keep himself healthy, and - I suspect - wants his clients to do what needs to be done to be healthy for them too. In other words, as we talked, he explained that I needed to only eat those foods that were good and healing for my body, and to exercise etc.
Duh, yeah. I've had 50 f*king years of trying to do this. You seriously think you telling me this is going to change because you said so? I was pleasant to him. Been on that road before with doctors and know the speech/what to say.
As I drove home I thought about it. I realized the feeling of disappointment, expectations of others, and failure. Knew I need to deal with this. Just not sure how.
Yesterday I happened to go to Dianne's open house. She has the Music store, that also sells gem stones, and she does healing. I looked at her and boom - heard to ask her for a healing treatment on it. I had kept thinking of Keegan and Tracey but neither felt right. Going to see her on Wednesday.
This morning I was doing my meditating and thinking on it. I floated into the thought about how it just has been from the beginning of my life. ...... How even my mother has mentioned that my father would get angry if she would go and feed me. Suddenly it dawned on me.
Mother comes home with a baby. Baby cries, wanting to be fed and probably scared/ unsure of where she is. Father becomes angry, jealous, envious and controlling of mother who wants to go feed the baby. Father tells mother not to do it - he wants sex now and the baby can cry herself to sleep. Father wants the attention. Baby is left alone in a dark room, hungry, lonely, feeling unwanted/unloved, scared and wishing not to be around. Baby wants attention too - that doesn't come for hours.
By the law of attraction belief - the baby has created her own feelings that she continues to call to her. She doesn't want to be hungry - so she calls hunger to her. She feels lonely, unwanted, unloved - so that continues to show up. She wants attention, she wants food - so she eats and eats and gets lots of negative attention/focus of size and weight that comes to her.
Then there is another aspect of disappointment/failure/expectations that falls a bit into it too. The feeling of not meeting the expectations of others leads to failure and such self disappointment. Always trying to measure up - to have worth. To do what others say to do. Which in the end never works because the belief in others isn't the answer. The answer is to align and focus on the connection with higher self - because that is where the answers are that are perfect and right for that person / for me.
Dr Bob can say drink smoothies for breakfast, Dr Steve can say eat fruit for breakfast, WW can say count your points for breakfast, low carb can say eat eggs and veggies for breakfast - no matter which I do it won't be right if I don't align with my higher self - who gives me the feeling of joy at eating apples and barley for breakfast. Trying to please and do what someone else says - just ends up me running around in circles.
It's just, I'm a bit lost as to believing I know the answers for myself. That I can actually follow what I am lead to do and believe it is right.
I need to change those stories above. I need to listen to my higher self and trust me. I need to ...... I'm in a funk working this out.
I know I will make it thru this - I'm just praying and believing it will move me forward and that I won't have to go thru these repeated and repeated and repeated laws/lessons again!!
