Onward......Day 1

Nope, I'm not exactly starting over.  I'm re-planning what I'm doing.

About Laura - I met her on Friday, she is going to be my coach.

Let's go back in time, before I started RH and Poon.  Even though I knew at the time I was going to RH and I was planning on going to Poon, I saw something else:  Ideal Protein.  AJ and I were at the medical building visiting one of his doctors and when we came out, I stopped into the pharmacy to look around. They had IP info.  I slufted (?) it off as it had prepackaged foods - and I was going to eat real foods.  Time went on, I went to RH and Poon.

We had to go to AJ's doc at the medical building about 2 weeks ago.  Again I looked at the IP and asked if I could look at the foods.  Huh.  Took a card, left. Then next day threw the card away as I didn't want to start something new, or pay for counselling etc with it.

About a few days after going to AJ's appointment, I was on Facebook and somehow clicked join on Ideal Protein.  I wasn't overly thinking and for some reason thought it was protein group with Poon.  I started getting the postings and realized my oophs.  But I didn't delete my joining.  The more I saw they were having success, and the more I was frustrated with my very slow weight loss, the more I kept thinking about it. Until last Thursday night.  I told AJ I wanted to look into it.

Friday morning I looked up, found one at a medical building closer to home, called it.  Spoke with Laura.  She was thinking of booking me in the next week to talk with her, I said anytime today?  I could get there at 10am.  Yes.  I booted it up there and spoke with her.  Before I left, I told AJ I was going to do this (provided it was $$$$$$$$$$$$ to join etc).  As I spoke with Laura, I knew I was going to do this right then.  Joining didn't cost, but I had to buy some packages of food, and some vits.  I bought an extra package for a change.  Each package has 7 packages in it for 7 days of that meal.

I got:
B - 7 chocolate chip pancakes
L - 7 mushroom risotto and 7 orange wafers (allowed one package per lunch) plus veg
D - is protein as in meat, and veg
S - 7 caramel bars and 7 vanilla crispy squares (allowed one package per snack. As I am starting, I am allowed 2 snacks for the first week/two weeks)

I am planning with the snacks to just do 1 snack per day since I am already doing low carb/Poon.

IP is basically low carb/low fat/higher protein/low cals.  I told Laura that I still wanted to lose about 40-50 pounds.  She said that I would need to be on Phase 1 for 3 months.  Works for me.  Overall the daily foods are:

- unlimited lettuce/spinach/cucumbers/celery (oh yeah! 😜)
- 4 cups of limited veg daily, and there is another 4 cups per week one 1 cup choice of higher carb veg allowed
- Water...water.....water....water.....water....
- 3 packages of food per day:  2 meals, and 1 snack.  There are restricted packages that are allowed but only 1 per day.  Eg my risotto and caramel bar are both restricted so I can only have one choice per day that day: either eat the risotto and vanilla square, or a wafer and a caramel bar.  The pancakes aren't restricted and I can eat them every morning.
- 8oz of raw meat protein
- NO CHEATING

I have spent the last couple of days reading blogs, websites, and FB posts (found more IP sites to join) to learn to understand IP better.  I planned to start today: Sunday.  Which I have.  Had pancakes and coffee for breakfast...and lots of water.

The pancakes weren't bad.  Learnt I am allowed 2 egg whites free per day, and that adding some whites to the pancakes helps.  Also can make a lot of other things with a lot of other packages.  Will need to buy extras this week!  I think I need to clean out a spot too to keep them in.  I did clean out all of the Poon foods.  Moved some over to the other freezer for later, and ate a lot of the open ones over the last 2 days (with AJ's help).  Biggest thing IP uses too is Waldern products - which I have some, so that was a blessing.   And I know what they taste like.  IP people add things to them to make them taste better - Poon people don't.  I like the IP plan of making them taste better! ha ha ha.

I have downloaded lots of recipe ideas.  Now I need to fix them into easy reading order.  Reading all the blogs etc has helped me better understand what I can do. Like my 4 cups of veg per day - I don't need to just have 2 cups at lunch and 2 cups at dinner, I can mix them up and have 1 cup at breakfast etc.  I need to buy the chocolate drink mix package - apparently people mix that with water/coffee, and a cup of spinach!  I need to try that!

Also I can mix up my meats - like eggs and chicken equaling 8oz.  Also can have some meat at lunch.

I like this idea at the moment as it's more followable then Poon's flexibility.  I'm too flexible with Poon and just eating too much/losing weight slowly.  I know I can do 2 pounds a week as I have always done that.  I just am losing interest or following with Poon.  NOT with low carb.  And I can see I will want to be maintaining whatever program as Low Carb.  Poon's eat meat when hungry doesn't go well with me as I'm usually thinking (key word) I'm hungry.  With IP it's stricter.  I like flexibility, but feel at the moment I need stricter.  I want to lose weight.  I do want to be healthy, and I know losing slowly, carefully is good.... I just want to get somewhere with this weight loss.  As it's been, with Poon, I am too slow to feel interested/motivated to continue.  NOT that I am giving up - even if IP didn't work and I'd have to go back to continuing Poon's plan - I just need a shake up interest.  Follow?

I haven't been able to get back to Phase 1 with Poon.  I just can't seem to do it. I've been praying about it, and IP kept popping up.  I am not stopping going to the Poon clinic at the moment either, even though I see Laura every Friday for weigh in and 'shopping'.  I also am praying the IP foods will be tolerable on my stomach etc.  Waldern's is a times challenging on my system, I figure if I can limit the use of it to what I really need it on, I should (hopefully) be ok.

So that's my big excitement.  Was it worth the wondering and wait?  😺  ha ha.  I will of course continue to write my blog on what's happening - now it will have a new plan included.  Will see how it works out.

And then came Laura....

Short and quick blog tonight:  just to let you know what's going on.  I decided on a change with the foods as I have been S-L-O-W-L-Y losing weight and just not getting into it.  I tend to overdo the carbs because of it.

I thought I would try something different to help and motivate me onwards.  As it is, I am studying and reading info on the websites currently.  Haven't done much else.  Once I have gotten a better handle of what I want to try/do, I will write about it and tell you all about my change.

AJ is on board.  But then again, AJ loves me and wants me to be happy.  I hope this plan will motivate and encourage me on.  Give me a couple of days....

This Time, Not Me

This time it's not me that needs to drink more water.  Though I do need to continue drinking more water.... but AJ HAS TO drink at least one and a half litres a day.  We went to the kidney doctor yesterday (among other things), and he said that AJ's one remaining kidney (other taken out last year due to cancer) is only working at 35%.  So, more water to help flush out toxins etc, no anti-inflammatory meds, and no red meat.  Have to have a blood test again in 4 months to see how things are going.  It's progressive too.  Sigh.  Stress.  Anxiety. His take, we talked last night before sleeping, was he wouldn't ask his family for a kidney as he's older and couldn't do it.  Besides....he could last at stage 3 for the next 10 years.

We went to Dr Poon yesterday too.  Dr B was happy.  I lost 3.5 pounds of fat. Told her that I was now taking 5 - 5mg Prednisone as soon as I get into the car.  I have been in pain for days.  With all the stress lately, I haven't been sleeping well either.  Dr B suggested I do some mindful meditation - imagine the worry going out of me into the earth and I just breathe....relax.  Said I would work at doing it. Did some last night, or early this morning, when I woke around 2am.  Was helpful.  Told Dr B about the blood work showing Mixed Connective Tissue Disease.  She told me to relax (meditation) and to not overdo things.  AJ tells me the same thing.  She was happy with my results, and doesn't want me to push myself too hard at weight loss either.

We went for burgers and fries after.  And I ate some chocolate.  Today I just don't feel like eating anything.
B - bread with seed butter/jam
L - nupasta and ground beef, tea
S - protein bar
D - flax bagel, butter/jam, tea  - don't feel like anything else, not even dessert!

Have been working in the garden too.  Did weights this morning with Josh, and later raked gardens, moved rocks, cleaned, replaced rocks. Also walked Jax.  I'm wiped.  Have 5 more garden areas to do.

I have to clean out the tool shed in the next two weeks also.  And clean around the house!  They are going to start our siding in two weeks!  Hurray!

Lastly, the Prednisone didn't help much.  I really could have taken another set of 5 today.  My fingers are swollen, can't wear my rings, and there is still aches and pains.  Not as bad as it was, just still there.

Now, to work on continued weight loss....

The Moment is Now

I remember as a child that I would go to the park, onto the swings, and I would sing.  I would swing and sing for hours.  One of the songs I sang had a few lines of 'when I was young I would listen to the radio, waiting for my favorite songs...when they came I'd sing along, they made me smile.  How I wish I could go back to those days....''

One day I was swinging, singing that, and suddenly stopped.  I realized it talked about longing to go back to the past and live there again.  Being around 10 years old, I had NO desire to go back to when I was younger.  It wasn't a nice time.  I never sang that song again.  I started swinging and singing BJ Bear's Last Song.

Nowadays there are songs on the radio about going back in time, and also emails of photos of the olden times that were better.  I just smirk and think no thanks, I like life now.  Not to say there aren't times in my past that weren't wonderful. Like when AJ and I got married, or when we got Jax, or moved to our own house, or farther back to when I had lost weight the first/second time etc.  They were great times.  But when I think of those times verses this moment.....  This moment is the best moment NOW.   This moment now, with my hips aching, my shoulder sore, AJ doing the dishes, Jax barking, the birds singing, me at this weight, me being tired after working out in the yard today, is the best moment ever!  And in a few minutes that will be the best moment ever.  Not to say they future will be better to live in, just the future isn't where to live either.  Nice to visit and plan for, but still NOW is the best.

I think of my life and each moment gets better then the last.  Marrying AJ was one of my best moments but looking back and comparing it to now....Now wins hands down.  Sometimes when I listen to all those songs, and look at all those photographs, I wonder if I'm the only one who loves life NOW.

Little tidbit.... after writing all that, the funny thing is NOW is always a bit in the past!  ha ha

Do it My Way

Went to an art class last night.  In the end I was thrilled with my painting.  So was AJ, he thought it was amazing when I came home.  We hung it in the sunroom so we can look at it.  I was so pleased!

The instructor said there was always one rogue in the group....I guess I was it last night.  I didn't end up with a round sun, I didn't want to do elephants and I didn't listen to her in the end!  But, she liked it.

I genuinely started out listening and following along....  I had started my painting 'tall' and I started with the round yellow sun.  I tried, and tried, as she said to blend the white into the yellow, then with the orange, and a bit of red....  My painting looked horrible.  I just couldn't get it to work, everyone else had these amazing yellow suns blending into orange.  She told me to let it dry and start again.  I went to the washroom, came back, and thought screw it, I'm going to just do it my way and listen to what the painting wants to be instead. I turned the painting sideways, and took a napkin and wiped it dry.  As I did I could see it looked better, my yellow was now on the left and the red on the right blended well.  As the instructor was teaching to do the tree etc, I continued with my background.  I was really getting into it as it was coming out. FINALLY!!!  Then I did my jaguar in the tree instead of just the tree first and did the tree around the jaguar.   YES!  It worked.  The instructor, and cafe owner (it was being run in a coffee shop) all came around and were stunned with the painting.  Especially since they could see how stressed I had been trying to do the round sun.  Others liked it too.  😹

Today we went down to Vaughan to go to Longo's and then to the Low Carb Store in Markham.  Just wanted to get a few things that I can't get at ONS as they don't sell these things.  Sometimes I just want something a bit different.  I know it's a bit higher in carbs, I'm ok with it as I don't have it often, or I have less. Today I got some cookies that were delicious and a nice change.

Jax got to go to doggy daycare while we went.  He's tuckered.

Tonight for dinner I tried something different too.  We had portabello mushrooms with ground beef on top.  Then a mix of red peppers/swiss chard/cauliflower cooked up.  I wanted some /a bit of sauce with the veg.  Hard to keep low carb as I wanted to have the cookies (listed above) for dessert.  I looked in the fridge and saw.... some salad dressing (Caesar) Put that over the cooked veg, mixed, topped it on the meat.  Turned out wonderful!

Happy with the results of today.

Quickie!

It's a quickie post.  Cold and raining today.  Fingers are achy.  Jax went for a spa today, grooming and clipping.  I went to art class.  Finished my bird painting:

I know, I'm not artist - that's ok, I enjoy doing it and that's what matters.

Was unofficially down a pound today, will have to see what happens when I see Dr B at Dr Poon's clinic next Tuesday.

I am feeling better about MCTD etc and my decision, especially about the steroids.  I feel like I'm back in balance.  It's part of who I am, I need to go to the worse place and decide what I am going to do and then once I know, everything else starts to be easier to deal with.  AJ knows this about me, and is able to listen to me deal.  My friend Talia, can't.  She was upset that I wouldn't take the meds. She feels I should take the meds even if I gain weight and change moods - what does it matter?  It's only a body?  True.  But for me it matters.  I don't want to be that person on meds that is so crazy and emotional...and fat.  In the end, it will be me who has to live my life, and AJ is ok with it.  Quality instead of quantity.  But then who knows what tomorrow brings.  Hopefully a winning lottery ticket?  ha ha ha.  😸🙌

Wow.  That's really it!  It was a quickie post today.

MCTD and Polymyositis

I spent yesterday crying.  And yes, I binged a bit in the evening - had a protein bar, a carbquick cookie I had made, and another protein cookie.  AJ hugged me most of the night and I went to bed early.  Just another day in my life.  I got some blood work results and piecing together the results, the RA doctor comments, knowledge of what she has me listed as for the last few years, and some on line reading, I suddenly 'got' what she was saying I had.  Few things.  I have RA, systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE), I was aware she often did blood work looking at Mixed Connective Tissue Disease - but the results never really came back positive.....until this time (and very clearly positive along with other markers).  With my continuous muscle fatigue, and CK being high for numerous blood works, she wants me to see that nerve doctor (talked with Dr Alex's sec, she said it would be about 4-5 months til I see him)  RA doc talks of the nerve doc doing a muscle biopsy.  So it's coming down to MCTD/polymyositis.

Some information on a few things:

Polymyositis and dermatomyositis (PM/DM) are chronic inflammatory diseases of muscle. Muscle weakness is the most common symptom of PM/DM. Diagnosis of PM/DM involves physical examination of muscle strength, blood tests for muscle enzymes, electrical tests of muscle and nerves, and is confirmed by muscle biopsy.


From a blog - Living with Limited Spoons - 

Mixed connective tissue disease is an autoimmune disease that was first characterized in 1972. It is also called Sharp’s syndrome and is commonly referred to in its acronym, MCTD. As the name suggests, the disease is a combination of several disorders that affect various connective tissues in the body. Lupus, scleroderma and polymyositis are the primary disorders whose symptoms affect individuals with MCTD. Like many autoimmune diseases, MTCD progresses over time. That is, some of the symptoms associated with the condition do not develop simultaneously but instead occur in sequence over a long period of time. Because of these traits, MTCD often prove difficult to diagnose, while treatment is limited to the management of symptoms and the extension of mixed connective tissue disease life expectancy.

As an autoimmune disease, MCTD is a degenerative disorder that is caused by the overactivity of the immune system. In this condition, like in any of its kind, the immune system mistakes healthy cells for foreign bodies that need to be destroyed. Thus, normal cells deteriorate and eventually die. The outlook of MCTD is generally worse than that of single connective tissue disorders, such as systemic lupus erythematosus. Even in the presence of prednisone treatment, the condition tends to continuously deteriorate the patient’s body. This is because MCTD is a progressive autoimmune disease that naturally develops into worse disorders or creates more complicated and fatal symptoms. One common condition met by patients with MCTD is progressive systemic sclerosis, which has a poor prognosis. 

Mixed connective tissue disease life expectancy is decidedly short, and death is inevitable in most cases. However, up to 30 percent of cases are mild, and there are individuals that experience remission. This is particularly true of patients with no anti-RNP antibody in their blood.

That last sentence is not me, I don't fall into that category.  So my life is... what I make it, and will last as long as it will.  

What had me crying for hours is one of the ways they try to control it - with steroids.   Specifically Prednisone.  Nothing new as I have used this drug once in a while when the pain/flares got too much for me to handle. Though, just one dose of 5 pills at once.  It would make me a bit hungrier, and more emotional, but nothing that I couldn't handle as I knew in a few days I'd be better and ok.  The dose they talk about is large, and long on the drug.  Anyone who knows this drug knows the biggest side effects are: increased appetite, moon face, WEIGHT GAIN, emotional/mood changes.

I can't.  I just can't gain again.  I've been working so hard to get the weight off, I just can't take medication that will cause weight gain - fast weight gain.  On top of that mood changes!!!  I will be a basket case..... a fat basket case then.  I cried to AJ that I would rather die before being fat. What is the point of me losing weight only to gain it because of meds? No. Not going to happen.  They can find other meds and I will try them.  Or not.

My goal at this point is to live my life as happiest, enjoyable as I can daily, to outlive my pets and husband, while still being able to be mobile and to live my life weighing around 160 lbs. (being active, fit, body firm and toned, able to eat easily foods I enjoy)!  So be it!!!  Amen. 

Mom vs Aunt

Saturday we went down to see my mother.  My aunt was there too.  But first... I had to bring Moonbeam to the vet because on Friday he licked out 2 stitches. Vet re-stitched him.  Now he has to wear the green bowl on his head until Thursday instead of tomorrow.

Back to the family.  Went in, sat down and talked with my mother.  We had lunch.  Later my aunt came in and sat down.  She's still working away at her life plan and tends not to eat with us anymore.  She's only allowed so much per meal - like 200 grams of chicken.  Not that 200 grams of chicken is a little, but she has to monitor and weigh everything.  She is doing low carb too.  I personally like Dr Poon's plan better as I don't have to weigh and measure basically.

I got up to clean off the table and when I did, my aunt exclaimed "You've lost weight too!"  Yes, thank you, I have.  My mother just looked at me.  My aunt said I looked good.  Mother mumbled yes.  Ah the joys of family.  I'm not actually upset with my mother.  I just find it interesting that she will not notice or say anything.  But then again, maybe after all these years of me being overweight and her harping on me to lose weight..... and me saying to lay off...... I can see why she doesn't say anything.

My aunt is still winning though.  She's at 47 pounds down.  I'm happy for her. She does look better, and moves easier.  My mother says my aunt finds it hard to stay on the plan, but when I asked my aunt she said no, she was fine with it.  I think it's a bit of both.  I know from myself I find it easy, yet at times challenging.

I have been doing better at being closer to Phase 1 foods, just not exactly.  Can't seem to get myself to do it perfectly.  Which is stressing me out.... and that's not good.  Have to back off and just do better.  I have been much better at the night snacking - keeping that down, back to just stevia and no skinny syrup.  More sliced bread instead of flax bagel.  Feel good about my choices.  Oh, also more water, especially in the evening.

Friday I did a lot, a lot, of yard work.  Got things out, cleaned, raked a bit. Worked basically all day.  Paying for it for the last 2 days.  I ache.  Not something/where specific, just energy is down and fatigued.  Sigh.  I wanted to do some work today, outside and inside but didn't.  Read the paper and made some muffins/cookies, and slept.  Tomorrow I have a doc appt.   Also cardio and weight day.  Only did cardio today, so have to do the weights tomorrow.  Hoping to get out and doing some more raking.  Want to have things ready for when the siding comes.

Made some cookies out of the plant protein powder.  Basically protein powder and a bit of milk, some stevia, mix and put in freezer.  It's ok.  The muffins I made with carbquick and jam.  Again ok.  Really working at having something other then the package stuff from the store.  I am getting closer to my goal! Yeah.

Happy Easter

It's Good Friday.  Has been a busy week.  One of the more upsetting thing was my little Moonbeam had a tumor - which needed to be removed.  All went well. This morning he got his 'bowl' off his head and licked the stitches.  Got two out, and was bleeding.  Of course the vet is closed today.  Very costly to go to the emergency vet.... I decided to use bandaids.  It has stopped bleeding, and it's not too bad, though those stitches would help.  He is suppose to get them out on Monday.  Looks like it's ok.

Saw Dr B who wanted me again to be on Phase 1.  Oh, 2 weeks ago I was 205.6 lbs......and this weigh in I was..... 205.6 lbs.!  Exactly the same.  No loss, no gain. I was so glad.  Remember I thought I would have a gain.  A stall was a good gift. I decided that I was not going to have any skinny syrup, and really limit the snacks.  Changed from the flax bagels to just one slice of lc bread.  Also, really limit snacking at night!  Since Wednesday I have been doing this.

I went to see my spiritual counsellor last week too.  She explained at that I just need to focus on the next 10 pounds.  Once I get thru that I will continue... to whatever weight I want to feel go at.  180...160 lbs.  Somehow her helping me see this, confirming my wanting to stop is just me being tired, and saying I can do this - has helped me to remind myself I can do this.  So I suck it up, especially at night, I drink water, and remind myself I CAN DO THIS!!!  Yes.

Found an easter egg in my purse, from last weigh in.  I put it in the freezer for my Poon weigh in day. That's the day I allow myself treats.  Tomorrow we go to see my mom.  My sister might be there too.  Will be nice.

Wishing all a wonderful bunny day!

Sigh

Have really been struggling lately in wanting to just 'stop'.  Not giving up, just taking a break, a pause.  I continue to sit around 205 / 206 lbs.  Today it was 206. I'm to weigh in on Tuesday - I was 205 last time.  Seriously doesn't look like I'm going to be able to get below that!  If I do, I will be stunned.  I'm not stressed or upset over my weight.  Just worn out with it.

Was suppose to do cardio and weights today - just didn't have it in me.  Will have to do it tomorrow, which is ok.  I did do cardio the day before.  Surprisingly, I am down 1.5 inches on my bust, waist, 1 inch down on my hips.  That makes me feel great.  I know with exercising is working / helping.  Just seems my weight is SO F**#*($)#@N slow!  So much so, that I'm not really doing all that well with the carbs.  They are creeping up a bit.  Not so much that I'm freaking out about it, but just knowing the bit more carbs stales the weight loss.  I feel alone in this.  I know I have Dr Poon's staff, and my hubby - just no one to talk/share with and encourage each other.

Today:
Breakfast - Eggs, 1 slice bread (lc), butter, jam, zucchini, coffee/chocolate with marshmallows (lc)
Lunch - Chicken, veg soup (spinach/celery/cauliflower/broccoli in beef stock), bread/butter/jam, tea stevia/lemon, flax brownie with jam, peanut ball (protein powder and peanut butter mixed)
Snack - piece of chocolate (small)
Dinner - swiss chard, fish, raw cabbage/dressing, jello, donut, tea stevia/lemon.

Probably will have another peanut ball later.

As you can see - the carbs are higher, but not really that high.  This is mostly how my days go.  Sometimes a few too many snacks.  One of the things I found was chicken with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  That tastes delicious.  Again all allowable foods.

I have decided to stop with the whey protein and bars that I have been using - even though Dr B says I can have them.  Mostly because I know dairy doesn't go well on me.  I read a lot about whey protein not being that good for a person.  (To each their own).  Problem is - unless it's whey, you can't bake with it.... or so I thought.  I have read a few recipes with pea/rice/hemp etc. Decided I would try them instead.  Went today and got a hemp one and a pea mix one.  Will try tomorrow a few recipe ideas.  Hopefully they will work out and I can use them as snacks.  Another thing I'm going to try limiting is the flax bagels (allowed) and use bread slices instead (allowed, but lower in calories).

I haven't been sleeping well.  I sleep, just not restfully and well.  Oh well.

Ah, after the whining... I'm just going to plod along.....

Where Was I?

I know!  I just realized I haven't posted in days!!!  And I haven't been overly busy either.  Guess just everyday things.  As it is, I only have a few minutes to post this too - going to walk with Anne.  Haven't seen her all week as her hubby had a heart attack.  He's doing much better.  Jax will be happy to see her.

I guess the biggest thing is the siding.  We got the eggplant colour approved with the office.  YES.  Then we had to figure out between the two contractors.  Ended up with the contractor that works in the community instead of the one that had disappeared last year on us.  See now, there's a blessing.  If they would have done the work last year, we would have paid them a lot more $$$$$ then the community guy - Bill.  That's one of the things when you have all the business in the area - you know how to price.  Darryl couldn't match or come close to Bill's price.  We are good with Bill's work too, even though we knew Darryl would do a great job.  So.... come mid May / end of May, Bill will start!

I've been cardioing as much as I can.  Continuing with the weights 3x a week. But have started cardioing basically daily.  Today is a rest day, though I went for cardio.  Tomorrow - cardio and weights.  I don't know how much it will help with my Tuesday's Poon weigh in.  Anyway.

I saw my RA doc on Wednesday.  She's sending me to a neurologist and a cardiologist.  Because of my muscle fatigue and my one blood work level continues to go up.  She also wants to confirm whether my heart is being affected too.  I'm not keen on the idea of having a muscle biopsy.  Not going to worry about it.... or about the mitochondrial myopathy.

Today I am worn now - up for the community home fair, cardio, shopping, walking with Anne, then walking with Denise, make dinner.  My body aches and tired.  Jax is tired too.

That's about it for now.

Ta

Secrets of the Bra

I'll tell you a secret.  I dislike wearing bras!  I have for the last 10 years worn Marks Workwear House tanky bras.  More comfortable.  Though there have been the very occasion time I have worn a bra.  I dislike all the trouble I get with bras. They never seem to fit right - even if I get 'fitted'.  The cup is too big because the size around is to large - or the cup fits but the size around is way too small.  It's like cup and size can't be in harmony.  Then there's that squishy body parts that come out on the sides and back.  Or I can get the back perfect, until I move and it rides up or worse, curls up!  Then the girls don't fit in and try to slide under in the front, or have so much space they get lost.  Oh and the straps..... ouch.

Besides, I found they just made industrial boulder holders for the size I was. Oh yes, they made nice ones and tried to sexy them up, but not like the real interesting ones. There wasn't those cute little sexy bras.....

Though with this bra, I could probably cash it in and get the siding for the house done and then some!

So years ago as I got bigger/wider I give up on the bra ideas and found the tanky bras.  Until, last night.  Sort of.

Again I was going thru my clothes to clear out what was too big (YEAH!!!) and thought I would open those drawers with things I don't use in them.  One was the summer shorts and tops.  Most of them went into the bag.  I have 2 long tops that are a bit big on me, but I NEVER wore them.  Currently I'm sitting here with the one with all the cats on it, on.  I figured I'd get some use out of them before they left.  The other has a cow on it and it says:

That's two cows I know.  My tee shirt just has one.

Onto the bra drawer.  I decided I would see if some of them fit.  They did. Though they are the boring but nice ones.  AJ asked one day if I was ever going to wear a bra again or continue with the tankys.  I showed him.  He liked and laughed.  I said, there, that's it, now I'm putting my jammie top back on.  I guess I could start getting the bras out and trying to wear them.  See if they fit right or if they ride up and do all those crazy moves they do the minute you start to bend, walk, reach... breathe.

A dash of Anxiety

I'm anxious.  I know the logical part of me says it's ok, it will work out. Emotionally I'm struggling.  I have been doing all the anxiety stuff - like the 5 things - what do I see, what do I feel, what do I hear, what do I taste, what am I presently doing.  I noticed last night that I have I been covering myself with a comforter even though it's not that cold at night.  It offers heaviness.  Having a heavy blanket etc on will also calm anxiety.  As the days have pasted I am better. Though I suspect tomorrow - Monday - I was get over anxious again!

Why?

Because we are wanting to put siding on our house.  First it was about the $$$ and AJ's take on it.  Then about having to really watch our bills if we do the siding as in don't spend so much on food etc.  Then it was about trying to find someone to do the siding.  Got quotes - some were very high.  Ended up going back to the guy that does a lot of work in this community.  Basically there's company A - Art, and company B - Bill.  Rumors are they are family related anyways.

Last year we found an amazing company, we know the guys and their work, excellent.  They offered to do the job, but then dropped off the face of the earth! Company C - Darryl.  We wanted Darryl.  Never heard from him all winter.  So, we decided on Bill.  Bill wasn't sure he could get the siding / colour - company I wanted as he didn't deal with them.  Problem there.  Then Bill said he found someone where he could get the colour from for me.  YEAH.  He needed to work out the quote and would get back to me this week.  Suddenly Darryl called.  He explained he had company issues and we accepted his explanation.  He said he would give us a good quote if we would give him a chance again.  Ok.  We also stated to him extra work we wanted done if he was to do the siding.  Bill wouldn't really do the extra that we wanted, and if he did it would cost us more with him.  He does so much of the same thing in this community (Bill) that he basically does it his way.  Hence why we didn't want him or Art.

Another thing we have to do is get the colour approved by the office.  It's called Mitten Eggplant.  Kinda a dark brown with plum tones.  NOT one of the colours ever put in this community.  So that's new to try to get it thru.  I went on Friday to see the guy - Rick, but he wasn't in, and no one would approve it.  Meaning I have to wait until Monday.... or Tuesday to see, and if need be talk with Rick. One good thing about inputting on Friday was we were planning to go with Bill who they know well and the secretary wrote Bill's name on my sheet.  Maybe that will help get my colour thru easier.  Darryl called while I was at the office! (ha ha ha) and came by today.

I am anxious about:
1. Bill trying to get the colour.... then he got it.
2. Having to go to the office to input the request.
3. Getting a call from Darryl...... now I have to decide do I want Darryl or Bill.
4. Waiting for Darryl's and Bill's quotes and what the cost is.
5. Having to decide (99% sure on Darryl) and having to tell Bill thanks for finding the colour, but we will use someone else.
6. Having to still talk, hear from Rick.
7. Neighbour Steve and his pooping dog (poops as close as Steve can get him to poop to our side, and as close to where I walk out)  Passive-aggressive action.  Instead of talking with me about our un-defined space (as the land is owned by the company not the people - only the houses are ours..... so no fences are allowed, and no real boundaries are stated)
8. Having to talk with Rick about pooping Steve.... after our colour is approved, to have some confirmed boundary.  I have decided I will do my best semi fence the major areas between Steve and us.  I have been keeping a list of dates and photos of proof of poops so that Steve can't continue saying he picks up the poop.  Steve doesn't, his wife will eventually.  But I still have to watch where I and Jax walk.

Yeah, ok, 7 and 8 don't have to do with siding, but do have to do with anxiety.  I really don't want conflict with Steve.  Last year Steve told Rick he didn't want me walking on what was my maintained side of the grass.  Steve never talked with me about it, and since then he's been doing the dog poop plan all winter.  I continue to be polite to him and his wife.  I know getting Rick involved will probably tick Steve off, but at least it will be boundaried by the office and not me.  And I'm anxious/stressed about how all this will play out.

All this, I'm not eating over, but still anxious.  Speaking of eating, I ended up doing the laundry after the last post.

Sigh.