Lots of thoughts going on in my head with things changing. I haven't slept much. I had to really think about all that AJ said. I talked with with him again about moving. Basically he wants to first find out what we could get for our house, then see what the bank has to say. He has figured out that instead of selling the house and using all the money to buy another house and have no money left - that it would be better to see if we could get a mortgage instead and just use some of the money from the sale - thus saving the rest. Makes me a bit nervous to have a mortgage. Never had one. Being 54 yrs old (him 66 yrs) is also a bit nervous for me to have a mortgage at this age too. In the end he might be right to figure it out this way.
Living here, we don't own the land, just the house, and the company that does is very into money so we could get hit with more and more increases. They will be going for above guide line increases every year. At some point living here might be very costly for us.
I have booked a estate agent for tomorrow to assess our house, and have booked an appoint with the bank person for Thursday. Lastly I called Jacqui and asked to see her too to help me get some clarity. I see her next Monday evening. AJ is on board with all this.
I still lean towards Tillsonburg and also Colbourg area. One in one direction and the other in the other direction. Will be interested to hear what Jacqui helps me come to see. Read about the Niagara / Fort Erie area and the web doesn't seem to be a good idea about moving there.
I went shopping this Monday, as I walked in, I saw a Boston Creme Pie cake and thought oh, one day I will get that. SERIOUSLY???!!!! I realized I really don't care for a Boston Creme Pie, and it isn't the pie I'd want, it's just the thought that I currently can't have it. Normally I would just walk in, see it, dismissed it, and continued on. It's because I'm still doing IP that I have these thoughts wandering thru. Just keep wandering right out then too!!!
Didn't do much else today. Thinking of all the stuff I will have to pack for us to show the house. Ugh. At least the place will be very clean. ha ha ha. 😊
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Shifting
Here goes:
I few weeks ago I had a dream in which I was going very fast thru a 'tunnel' that was golden like. I was calling for God, and I was calm. I wasn't afraid. I was more interested in the fact that I was calling for God still - even though I have in a sense moved beyond the word God in what light/love/spirit/energy is to me. I don't know what to describe my belief is although I obviously still use the word God to describe it. I woke thinking about it, and thought my birthday was coming and it felt like I was going thru the birth canal again.
When I saw Jacqui, she mentioned that something happened to me a few weeks ago....and them mumbled something that maybe in was in a dream, and then didn't continue talking about. But I thought of that 'dream'.
Early Friday morning last week, I was awake and laying in bed (it was 4am) and began thinking about money and knowing we have money. I was calmer about finances compared to the way I have been stressed over it.
I went to my IP weigh in. I did tell Laura about my weekend eating and giving up story. She was shocked. I then said I had talked with Jacqui and decided to continue. I got on the scale and Laura was shocked again as I had lost 4 pounds. I did really well!
As I was driving home and suddenly I KNEW, I just knew I was done with my weight. As in I knew/sensed that I was already 155 lbs and that I would have this last bit of weight come off now. I thought about it and realized it was like I was completely finished with this challenge. Or test. Like in school, you have a test and if you fail, you continue to learn it, try the test again, fail, and learn more etc..... I knew/felt that I was done with my weight issue etc. It was no more and issue and no more a challenge or test for me. NOT to say I can just go and eat. Or that I wont have days where all I want is to eat / eat junk food etc. I will just like other people need to be aware, make choices that are wise, exercise to keep strong, deny times where all I want is something junky, (deny the junky), go back to phase 1 at times etc. All this I can see will need to be done for the rest of my life. BUT the difference is that doing this is no longer like the other times I swore I'd never gain weight again. I remember those weight losses and I didn't know who I was then. Not to say I know exactly who I am now, it's just I didn't lose weight this time for the same reasons as the last 2 times. This time there was no approval (eh, ok, a bit from my mom still, but not exactly the same) from others to feel acceptable in life. To lose weight to get a boyfriend / sex. All the reasons I lost weight before wasn't the reason I lost weight this time. This time I lost weight because.... well because I just wanted to lose the weight and be healthier. I wanted this weight issue gone from me. This has shifted in me.
Driving home realizing this, realizing I no longer needed to focus so much on my weight/loss/eating etc because now I was just getting the last bits of weight off - as quickly and easily as I can. Hopefully by August 2017 I will be 155 lbs. Either way, I'm done.
Knowing this, I thought as I drove, that now because my weight is no longer an issue for me - that I finished that challenge, that I would focus on another challenge that has hounded me for years. $$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$ Now I will start dealing with my issues about money. About how I spend money, save money, deal with money. Not sure how to start this, but I knew this is another challenge I want to heal. So when I see Marly, I will deal with a bit more weight loss issues that linger, and start with my money issues. This needs shifting.
And AJ has decided / is open to moving.......................
I few weeks ago I had a dream in which I was going very fast thru a 'tunnel' that was golden like. I was calling for God, and I was calm. I wasn't afraid. I was more interested in the fact that I was calling for God still - even though I have in a sense moved beyond the word God in what light/love/spirit/energy is to me. I don't know what to describe my belief is although I obviously still use the word God to describe it. I woke thinking about it, and thought my birthday was coming and it felt like I was going thru the birth canal again.
When I saw Jacqui, she mentioned that something happened to me a few weeks ago....and them mumbled something that maybe in was in a dream, and then didn't continue talking about. But I thought of that 'dream'.
Early Friday morning last week, I was awake and laying in bed (it was 4am) and began thinking about money and knowing we have money. I was calmer about finances compared to the way I have been stressed over it.
I went to my IP weigh in. I did tell Laura about my weekend eating and giving up story. She was shocked. I then said I had talked with Jacqui and decided to continue. I got on the scale and Laura was shocked again as I had lost 4 pounds. I did really well!
As I was driving home and suddenly I KNEW, I just knew I was done with my weight. As in I knew/sensed that I was already 155 lbs and that I would have this last bit of weight come off now. I thought about it and realized it was like I was completely finished with this challenge. Or test. Like in school, you have a test and if you fail, you continue to learn it, try the test again, fail, and learn more etc..... I knew/felt that I was done with my weight issue etc. It was no more and issue and no more a challenge or test for me. NOT to say I can just go and eat. Or that I wont have days where all I want is to eat / eat junk food etc. I will just like other people need to be aware, make choices that are wise, exercise to keep strong, deny times where all I want is something junky, (deny the junky), go back to phase 1 at times etc. All this I can see will need to be done for the rest of my life. BUT the difference is that doing this is no longer like the other times I swore I'd never gain weight again. I remember those weight losses and I didn't know who I was then. Not to say I know exactly who I am now, it's just I didn't lose weight this time for the same reasons as the last 2 times. This time there was no approval (eh, ok, a bit from my mom still, but not exactly the same) from others to feel acceptable in life. To lose weight to get a boyfriend / sex. All the reasons I lost weight before wasn't the reason I lost weight this time. This time I lost weight because.... well because I just wanted to lose the weight and be healthier. I wanted this weight issue gone from me. This has shifted in me.
Driving home realizing this, realizing I no longer needed to focus so much on my weight/loss/eating etc because now I was just getting the last bits of weight off - as quickly and easily as I can. Hopefully by August 2017 I will be 155 lbs. Either way, I'm done.
Knowing this, I thought as I drove, that now because my weight is no longer an issue for me - that I finished that challenge, that I would focus on another challenge that has hounded me for years. $$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$ Now I will start dealing with my issues about money. About how I spend money, save money, deal with money. Not sure how to start this, but I knew this is another challenge I want to heal. So when I see Marly, I will deal with a bit more weight loss issues that linger, and start with my money issues. This needs shifting.
And AJ has decided / is open to moving.......................
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Houses
Where did the weekend go?
Yesterday we had a party to go to - AJ's family get together. Was enjoyable. I packed my dinner up (chips/shake/bar/noodles/vegs/drinks) Had one pkg extra. I also got to see my sister and mother as my sister lives close to where the party was. Haven't seen her in months. She was surprised about my weight loss, said I looked good. Later said she was the fattest of the family now. I just shrugged and said when you are ready you will do it. My mother didn't say much other then I was eating a lot of food when I listed what I was having for dinner. I just looked at her, and said, yes, it's what's allowed. I didn't have any other feelings about it like the last time. So glad about that!
AJ said that I was still looking for approval/acknowledgement from my mother on my weight loss and struggling because she won't do it. When he told me that I was able to let it go more.
We had a long drive to the party (2 hours). Ended up talking about houses and where we live. We have a land leased house and the company that owns it continues to increase the maintenance fees. I LOVE our house - it's finally the way that I have wanted it. Only two things I wish a bit for - to have more room in the backyard / be on water or stream etc. But the rest of it, I'm so happy with. I'm sad that the company that owns it, is so greedy and doesn't do much for the fees.
When we moved here from the condo, I basically begged and cried to AJ for us to move. He was happy in the condo, in the city, able to travel around the city on his own (without me having to drive him), worried about the $$$, worried about owning a house that would have stairs as he can't go up and down on them that easily. When we talked about siding, we went back and forth and even looked as a few for sale in the community to see about moving instead. We decided we would stay and therefor sided the house.
Now it is done. AJ is open and talking of moving!!!!!!! He is open to a townhouse style, with stairs - we could put in a stair master. He's open to anywhere from Niagara to Kingston to Tillsonburg/London. He's open to the issue that we will be putting out money for a place. He's open to either a house or another community - NOT owned by the company that owns this place though. (I agree).
I don't know what to do. I love our place. But I am willing to let it go. It belongs to God - not me. So if it is that we are to move, I accept it. I am willing to look. I am willing to see other places. I am willing to give up my wonderful house. A bit sad as it an amazing colour of purple (my favorite). I will go where Spirit leads. I have always maintained I would give up everything if that would be required by Spirit. So be it. We put in a time frame of 2 years so that I have a focus of what we are doing. I need that end date - even if the next day is when we move. It just gives me a time line of how long I am sending energy and looking into this.
I do have a shift that happened too. But I will write that in another post. Back to looking at houses............
Yesterday we had a party to go to - AJ's family get together. Was enjoyable. I packed my dinner up (chips/shake/bar/noodles/vegs/drinks) Had one pkg extra. I also got to see my sister and mother as my sister lives close to where the party was. Haven't seen her in months. She was surprised about my weight loss, said I looked good. Later said she was the fattest of the family now. I just shrugged and said when you are ready you will do it. My mother didn't say much other then I was eating a lot of food when I listed what I was having for dinner. I just looked at her, and said, yes, it's what's allowed. I didn't have any other feelings about it like the last time. So glad about that!
AJ said that I was still looking for approval/acknowledgement from my mother on my weight loss and struggling because she won't do it. When he told me that I was able to let it go more.
We had a long drive to the party (2 hours). Ended up talking about houses and where we live. We have a land leased house and the company that owns it continues to increase the maintenance fees. I LOVE our house - it's finally the way that I have wanted it. Only two things I wish a bit for - to have more room in the backyard / be on water or stream etc. But the rest of it, I'm so happy with. I'm sad that the company that owns it, is so greedy and doesn't do much for the fees.
When we moved here from the condo, I basically begged and cried to AJ for us to move. He was happy in the condo, in the city, able to travel around the city on his own (without me having to drive him), worried about the $$$, worried about owning a house that would have stairs as he can't go up and down on them that easily. When we talked about siding, we went back and forth and even looked as a few for sale in the community to see about moving instead. We decided we would stay and therefor sided the house.
Now it is done. AJ is open and talking of moving!!!!!!! He is open to a townhouse style, with stairs - we could put in a stair master. He's open to anywhere from Niagara to Kingston to Tillsonburg/London. He's open to the issue that we will be putting out money for a place. He's open to either a house or another community - NOT owned by the company that owns this place though. (I agree).
I don't know what to do. I love our place. But I am willing to let it go. It belongs to God - not me. So if it is that we are to move, I accept it. I am willing to look. I am willing to see other places. I am willing to give up my wonderful house. A bit sad as it an amazing colour of purple (my favorite). I will go where Spirit leads. I have always maintained I would give up everything if that would be required by Spirit. So be it. We put in a time frame of 2 years so that I have a focus of what we are doing. I need that end date - even if the next day is when we move. It just gives me a time line of how long I am sending energy and looking into this.
I do have a shift that happened too. But I will write that in another post. Back to looking at houses............
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Takin it Easy
Today is just booting along. Not much happening. Went to art class this morning - finished as foggy water/tree line scene and one of the women asked if she could have it for her new house. Had to think about it, took a photo of it, and gave it to her. She sincerely wanted it, and I know I could let it go as I am learning to let things go. Did take me a few minutes to work thru letting it go as it did turn out nice. Still amateurish, but nice.
Jax got to go for his summer 'do'. I didn't recognize him for that split second he came out. He knew me though - take me home! Adorable guy.
They finished the side of the house - garbage is now safe and dry. Ha ha ha. So pleased with the work they did. It's exactly as I imagined.
I think I have found a good IP eating plan for me, that I'm losing weight well. I will be down tomorrow as I am down already today. Even after my giving up and eating few days. Hopefully, keeping this plan will improve next weeks weight loss as I won't have to re-lose any weight I have gained (like I had to do again this week).
Basically shakes, puddings, light packages. Eggs or chicken/fish and lighter vegs. I have eaten about 3 cucumbers already this week and almost finished the 4th one. Have it with Walden's chocolate and caramel syrups. And water. You knew the water was coming, right! ha ha ha.
So I'm good today. Life is comfortable. Not too hot out. I get cold daily - that's a good thing - means the weight is coming off!
Jax got to go for his summer 'do'. I didn't recognize him for that split second he came out. He knew me though - take me home! Adorable guy.
They finished the side of the house - garbage is now safe and dry. Ha ha ha. So pleased with the work they did. It's exactly as I imagined.
I think I have found a good IP eating plan for me, that I'm losing weight well. I will be down tomorrow as I am down already today. Even after my giving up and eating few days. Hopefully, keeping this plan will improve next weeks weight loss as I won't have to re-lose any weight I have gained (like I had to do again this week).
Basically shakes, puddings, light packages. Eggs or chicken/fish and lighter vegs. I have eaten about 3 cucumbers already this week and almost finished the 4th one. Have it with Walden's chocolate and caramel syrups. And water. You knew the water was coming, right! ha ha ha.
So I'm good today. Life is comfortable. Not too hot out. I get cold daily - that's a good thing - means the weight is coming off!
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Peeking Bone
No, that's not me.
A few months ago I was on facebook and someone mentioned they noticed they had a bit of a collar bone.
I started looking.....nothing......maybe something?.......if I lean forward, a bit..... could it be?....... I see something...... It took a while, but I started seeing my collar bone. It's the weirdest thing to be excited about, but when I first saw a bit of collar bone, I was happy. I did have to lean forward to see it, but still - it was there - peeking out. Then a few weeks later there was a bit more without me needing to lean forward - WOW. I would laugh at how excited I would get to see my collar bone. Every morning while I brushed my teeth I would look for any sign that I had more sight of my collar. Now, I have my collar bone showing - just as I stand. I'm fascinated with seeing it. I don't really know why, but seeing my collar bone showing really brings proof to me that I have lost weight. I love seeing it peek out of me. My body is wonderful!
My legs are slimmer, and I look fine in shorts and heels. I like that too, but it's still the collar bone that brings me the greatest joy. My belly is still round and I know eventually it will get flatter (ok, I hope it will) I can see where that last 30 pounds are hiding.
I've been thinking about 30 pounds. It doesn't feel like a lot. It feels like it's easy to lose. I'm close, I'm good, I can do it. I feel good about deciding on 160 pounds. Even though I'm going to 158 lbs and then go onto Phase 2 then 3 and 4. Anything below 158 lbs means I'm good to be off Phase 1 and gives me that bounce room. I have decided that between 158 to 163 lbs is where I will allow myself - aiming to keep on 160 lbs. (or below that). AJ is good with my decision too. Not that it's up to him, but it's nice to have his support in my goal. Then again AJ is my amazing support in all I do - the one that healed my heart, and loves me no matter what. 😍🌟🌟 And he does dishes.... ha ha ha ha
Today the food was:
B - shake/spinach, coffee
L - chicken a la king (pkg), spinach/mushroom, pickles, tea
D - pork, cauliflower, celery root, okra fries, cucumbers, tea
S - morning other half of shake, evening pancake fudge cake and rhubarb, cucumbers, tea
I'm drinking more tea instead of increasing the water. I still have water, just liking tea lately more.
Next few days I'm going to aim for water (of course), eggs instead of meat, shakes - 2 and just 1 other pkg, light vegs like bok choy/kale etc. I'd like a good drop in weight...if possible. Will see what happens.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Decision
So, I decided. With the help of Jacqui. I decided that 150 lbs is not for me, but 160 lbs feels best. And I will aim to be at 160 lbs by Friday September 1, 2017. It's doable, my body is with me on it, it is just me deciding on what I want. I don't want to be 180 lbs, I know I'm not finished yet - even if I stopped now, I would always know I never finished to where I planned to go. I'm back. I'm back on track (well, starting tomorrow). Back to shakes and measuring and weighing everything I eat. Today I was up .8 lbs, and I did have a shake in the morning, but because I ended up out too long at lunch, I ate the snacks I had in my purse. For dinner I will have chicken, celery root hash, cauliflower, jicama. And I am going to have a snack tonight - brownie with rhubarb. I'm going to enjoy it too!
In my talk with Jacqui, she said I was a butterfly. No longer a caterpillar, and that has disappeared. I am in the cocoon, growing my wings - there is no caterpillar anymore in the cocoon - just like me, I am no longer who I was, I am still becoming who I will be. She said that's why I'm having the woosies too, not because of a need for food, but because I'm sorta not there but there. Ok, I know that sounds weird. I get what she means though. I had stopped to think this weekend, and got dizzy between the two worlds in a way. Now I am back - going to the new world / the new me. It didn't matter if I stopped, I just had to DECIDE what I wanted / where I wanted to go.
There is a bit of relief in me that I am going to continue. It's like a runner, I got the half marathon done, but now want to go to the full marathon - 160 lbs.
I talked too about my fear of eating everything I want when I do get down to 160 lbs and gain weight. She said no, that will not happen because it's not what I want. I might have some of the foods, but I've been training so long, that my body, my thinking, my emotions, my thoughts are all on me staying 160 lbs. As far as going to the states - she said GO in October/end of September. Celebrate my achievement. Explained why too I couldn't be overly happy with my weight now, it's great, but not where I truly want to be, so I don't want to celebrate.
Now I'm re-focused and in training. ha ha.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
What Do I Want?
Friday's IP weigh in - 3 pounds down.
You'd think I'd be happy. I am about the weight coming off / down. But I'm disheartened. Long ago, when I started in Nov 2016, I planned this to be finished by my birthday in June. Well, my birthday came and went, and technically, I am in the 180's - 187 lbs. I wanted to be at least 180 lbs for my birthday, and 180 lbs was my original end goal number. As time went on, my goal number went down. 170.... 160.... now 150. AJ says at 150 lbs I will be rail thin. Not that he's saying I can't be that, just commenting. He thinks the lowest should be around 170-160 lbs. My Poon sheet says I still need to lose 16.8 pounds of fat - taking me to 172 lbs.
Yesterday I felt worn and nausea'd. Today is even worse. I am dizzy and hot. I feel like I can't keep doing this weight loss. I'm just so over it. I thought yesterday that I could keep doing it until I got to 150 lbs. But that is going to be about another 4-5 months. I still don't really know why I want to lose the weight, I just keep going. I'm happy about being slimmer. Overall feel better. I like IP and Poon. I like low carb.
I think I need to stop for a moment. Today I had a flax bagel (Poon's) with almond butter and jam. Feel a bit better, but still woosie. Slept this afternoon. It's not that I'm starving anymore. That is still gone. And I still have the full feeling after eating. I feel like I'm not getting enough carbs (?) food (?) nutrients (?). The heat isn't helping either, and my points are flaring so there's that pain coming back at the moment.
I'm going to see Jacqui tomorrow - hopefully with her guidance I will have a better idea of what I am going to do, and what weight I'm going to aim for.
You'd think I'd be happy. I am about the weight coming off / down. But I'm disheartened. Long ago, when I started in Nov 2016, I planned this to be finished by my birthday in June. Well, my birthday came and went, and technically, I am in the 180's - 187 lbs. I wanted to be at least 180 lbs for my birthday, and 180 lbs was my original end goal number. As time went on, my goal number went down. 170.... 160.... now 150. AJ says at 150 lbs I will be rail thin. Not that he's saying I can't be that, just commenting. He thinks the lowest should be around 170-160 lbs. My Poon sheet says I still need to lose 16.8 pounds of fat - taking me to 172 lbs.
Yesterday I felt worn and nausea'd. Today is even worse. I am dizzy and hot. I feel like I can't keep doing this weight loss. I'm just so over it. I thought yesterday that I could keep doing it until I got to 150 lbs. But that is going to be about another 4-5 months. I still don't really know why I want to lose the weight, I just keep going. I'm happy about being slimmer. Overall feel better. I like IP and Poon. I like low carb.
I think I need to stop for a moment. Today I had a flax bagel (Poon's) with almond butter and jam. Feel a bit better, but still woosie. Slept this afternoon. It's not that I'm starving anymore. That is still gone. And I still have the full feeling after eating. I feel like I'm not getting enough carbs (?) food (?) nutrients (?). The heat isn't helping either, and my points are flaring so there's that pain coming back at the moment.
I'm going to see Jacqui tomorrow - hopefully with her guidance I will have a better idea of what I am going to do, and what weight I'm going to aim for.
Thursday, June 15, 2017
HB2Me
Happy birthday to me! Today I'm 54. I'm fine with that. I don't mind. Seems for me as I get older, my life gets better.
I went to Poon yesterday.
I got my 50 pounds down mug. Funny thing was - when I got there, I was nervous. It was confirmed I am down 52.7 pounds. When Dr B came in, she asked what's new, I said I get something today. Really?, what? I get something special today. (her) That's good, we should get something special every day. (me) Ya,but today I get a mug! (her) OH! Let's check. YES. She was happy for me. I was excited about getting the mug. I really thought all I would want is to get a photo of it/me and would give it back, but when it came to the point that I would be getting a mug - I wanted the mug. AJ says of course I should keep it, I have done well and I deserve it. So I took it home. Have some feathers I have gotten around the house in it now. Keeping it in my spare room. I am glad I kept it.
Nothing exciting happening today. Went to art class - was fine. Went to the cardio doctor for my appointment. Basically to check my heart as my CK levels are too high (in my bloodwork) and my RA doc wants to rule out that I had a heart attack. Which I know I haven't had one. Cardio doc is doing a bit checks - ekg / monitor / stress test / bloodwork as my family history is cardio/heart disease. I liked this doctor (Dr K). He was very nice. Good way to spend my birthday. ha ha ha.
AJ wanted to take me for dinner, but I already had dinner planned and made. We had shredded chicken, celery root fries, cauliflower, jicama.
B - 1 muffin, shake (1 pkg)/ coffee
L - 2 muffins (makes 1 total pkg with other muffin), cucumber, rest of shake
Snack tonight is rhubarb and vanilla crispy square.
Was rather hungry at dinner. I think more because lunch was too little as I had to go from art class to cardio appoint.
Tomorrow is IP weigh in. Think I will do well there too. Going to rest more tomorrow - still worn.
I went to Poon yesterday.
I got my 50 pounds down mug. Funny thing was - when I got there, I was nervous. It was confirmed I am down 52.7 pounds. When Dr B came in, she asked what's new, I said I get something today. Really?, what? I get something special today. (her) That's good, we should get something special every day. (me) Ya,but today I get a mug! (her) OH! Let's check. YES. She was happy for me. I was excited about getting the mug. I really thought all I would want is to get a photo of it/me and would give it back, but when it came to the point that I would be getting a mug - I wanted the mug. AJ says of course I should keep it, I have done well and I deserve it. So I took it home. Have some feathers I have gotten around the house in it now. Keeping it in my spare room. I am glad I kept it.
Nothing exciting happening today. Went to art class - was fine. Went to the cardio doctor for my appointment. Basically to check my heart as my CK levels are too high (in my bloodwork) and my RA doc wants to rule out that I had a heart attack. Which I know I haven't had one. Cardio doc is doing a bit checks - ekg / monitor / stress test / bloodwork as my family history is cardio/heart disease. I liked this doctor (Dr K). He was very nice. Good way to spend my birthday. ha ha ha.
AJ wanted to take me for dinner, but I already had dinner planned and made. We had shredded chicken, celery root fries, cauliflower, jicama.
B - 1 muffin, shake (1 pkg)/ coffee
L - 2 muffins (makes 1 total pkg with other muffin), cucumber, rest of shake
Snack tonight is rhubarb and vanilla crispy square.
Was rather hungry at dinner. I think more because lunch was too little as I had to go from art class to cardio appoint.
Tomorrow is IP weigh in. Think I will do well there too. Going to rest more tomorrow - still worn.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Hungry?
Am I hungry? At times, yes. Starving? Well, there's something new on that front.....since that 'binge', I get hungry, but not starving hungry anymore. I'm not sure why, or if it's a lingering that will change, but I'm taking it!! I get hungry, have my meal, and then surprisingly also after I finish my meal, I'm full. I'm not looking for more to eat. Well, after tonight's chocolate bar snack - almond and milk chocolate crispy bar (which was very delicious!) I'd like another. But not in the I'm still hungry way. And I can let it go.
Maybe it's the shakes. I've been having one every day with extra water in it. Both the pudding mix package made into a shake and the premade shakes are filling for me lately. I think I shall keep this plan of having a shake every day, either a pudding shake or a premade one.
I am down those 2 pounds, took 3 days basically. I hope for Friday I will be down a few more pounds. Especially since I just don't feel crazy with the eating anymore. I eat my meals and ... well, that's that. I also am adding 1/2 to 1 cup veg with breakfast instead of just coffee. I then have 1 cup veg for lunch and either 1 1/2 or 2 cups with dinner. (the 1/2 c I will keep for evening snack if I feel like it) Mostly I'm not interested anymore in the evening snack and end up having my third IP semi after dinner or later in the afternoon. I don't have salad anymore as it's just not something I like, but I do have cucumbers a lot / sometimes celery. I am enjoying jicama / chayote / rhubarb. I mixed rhubarb with some cooked cauliflower - was yummy. (added cinnamon)
Tomorrow is Poon day. I'm not sure where I am with Poon and weight, but I think I will be 50 lbs down - which means I'm to get my 50 lbs down mug. Will just get a photo of it, I don't want to keep a mug. Have no use for it, and I don't want to use it.
I got all the stones put around the house. I need about 10 more bags. John said he will bring us them some point this week. I'm pleased with my stone work. John looked and laughed and said You really have a thing for rocks. Yes I do, not sure why, but I really do love rocks and stones.
I'm tired as I didn't sleep well last night. We went to see my mother today too. Was ok, she didn't say anything about my shake, jicama, cauliflower & rhubarb. I didn't have much to say either though. Jax came down with us. He barfed in the car. Sometimes he does that for some reason. Cleaned it of course, and then when we got home I really cleaned the car. Which killed two birds with one stone (ouch...oh a stone) I had been thinking of car cleaning - this just confirmed doing it asap.
I think it will be early to bed....like semi-immediately. Night.
Maybe it's the shakes. I've been having one every day with extra water in it. Both the pudding mix package made into a shake and the premade shakes are filling for me lately. I think I shall keep this plan of having a shake every day, either a pudding shake or a premade one.
I am down those 2 pounds, took 3 days basically. I hope for Friday I will be down a few more pounds. Especially since I just don't feel crazy with the eating anymore. I eat my meals and ... well, that's that. I also am adding 1/2 to 1 cup veg with breakfast instead of just coffee. I then have 1 cup veg for lunch and either 1 1/2 or 2 cups with dinner. (the 1/2 c I will keep for evening snack if I feel like it) Mostly I'm not interested anymore in the evening snack and end up having my third IP semi after dinner or later in the afternoon. I don't have salad anymore as it's just not something I like, but I do have cucumbers a lot / sometimes celery. I am enjoying jicama / chayote / rhubarb. I mixed rhubarb with some cooked cauliflower - was yummy. (added cinnamon)
Tomorrow is Poon day. I'm not sure where I am with Poon and weight, but I think I will be 50 lbs down - which means I'm to get my 50 lbs down mug. Will just get a photo of it, I don't want to keep a mug. Have no use for it, and I don't want to use it.
I got all the stones put around the house. I need about 10 more bags. John said he will bring us them some point this week. I'm pleased with my stone work. John looked and laughed and said You really have a thing for rocks. Yes I do, not sure why, but I really do love rocks and stones.
I'm tired as I didn't sleep well last night. We went to see my mother today too. Was ok, she didn't say anything about my shake, jicama, cauliflower & rhubarb. I didn't have much to say either though. Jax came down with us. He barfed in the car. Sometimes he does that for some reason. Cleaned it of course, and then when we got home I really cleaned the car. Which killed two birds with one stone (ouch...oh a stone) I had been thinking of car cleaning - this just confirmed doing it asap.
I think it will be early to bed....like semi-immediately. Night.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Post Note
Yep, I ate a brownie after I posted. Only thing I was sorry about was I hid eating it from AJ and that I didn't have it heated in a bowl with some caramel syrup... because I hid eating it from AJ. THAT was more of an issue then me eating the brownie. I just didn't want someone / anyone questioning why I was doing all this eating. I did tell him about it yesterday morning, and about all the rest of the packages I ate. Total of 6. I will tell Laura too about it. I own what I did without guilt or sorrow. Though AFTER I did it, not while I was doing it, because I still need to work on that issue. 😲
I'm clear that I'm not sorry about my choice of doing all that eating. I didn't have any guilt over the food /eating. (just hiding it from AJ). I went to bed feeling very contently full and didn't have any sense of gurgling hunger before / during / or in the morning. Often I will wake in the night starving, drink some water, and just go back to sleep. If it's really, really bad I will get up have a sip of Protein shake or flavour water. Basically for the first time in months I wasn't going to bed a bit hungry. I wasn't so Thankgiving stuffed, sick feeling full either, just contently full and at peace. Not that I believe this is a good thing to do, or that I have any desire to do this again.
I also noticed that I did heavy work on Friday, and then on Saturday I worked in the garden for a total of 3 hours - shoveling, lugging stones in a pail, and placing the stones. Also did more of all of that again today - another 3 hours. So maybe my body just needed all that extra carbs. I really don't think I would have been able to do so much on Saturday without all those carbs / protein in my system already.
Saturday morning I wasn't hungry. I had a shake and coffee. Made the shake into 2 1/2 cups so that I could have more of it throughout the day. I made soup / potatoe puree loaf. Between the loaf and shake that was my 3 packages. I wasn't hungry during the day either. Today I wasn't hungry either as I had the shake plan again. I'm going to keep doing the shake all week and just choose packages that are lower in carbs.
I was / am up 2 pounds. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm ok with it as I know to that all the work I've been doing has caused weight gain too. I figure the 2 pounds is more because of the work then the eating - either way I'm up. This morning I was hungry when I woke, but full with the breakfast - actually only had half of the package.
Made Mock French Toast (had 1/2 of that) with some rhubarb (total of 1 1/4c veg - 1c zucchini in toast) coffee. Will have the other half for lunch on snack tonight. At lunch planning on a shake,1 cup veg, Poon sausage (others aren't allowed), tea
Dinner - Poon sausage, 1 1/2c veg, tea
Snack - 1/4c chayote and Pre-made Shake (the premades are lower in carb, wanting that more for night as I'm trying to have less at night)
Of course.....water.
Interestingly I didn't whine or cry or beat myself up about my choice of doing that binge. I'm pleased about that. I'm not pleased that I still felt I had to hide what I was doing with the food from AJ. That is an old, old childhood issue of hiding / eating without my parents - especially my father - knowing about it. Being afraid of getting yelled at and hit. There is no real excuse for hiding the eating from AJ, I just couldn't justify the eating to him if he was to ask me about it even though I knew I was fine and sure of my decision. It has to do with fear, eating, food, explaining, and trusting myself. I need to continue to learn to trust myself and my body in the choices it needs instead of thinking from a fear angle. Always learning..........
I'm clear that I'm not sorry about my choice of doing all that eating. I didn't have any guilt over the food /eating. (just hiding it from AJ). I went to bed feeling very contently full and didn't have any sense of gurgling hunger before / during / or in the morning. Often I will wake in the night starving, drink some water, and just go back to sleep. If it's really, really bad I will get up have a sip of Protein shake or flavour water. Basically for the first time in months I wasn't going to bed a bit hungry. I wasn't so Thankgiving stuffed, sick feeling full either, just contently full and at peace. Not that I believe this is a good thing to do, or that I have any desire to do this again.
I also noticed that I did heavy work on Friday, and then on Saturday I worked in the garden for a total of 3 hours - shoveling, lugging stones in a pail, and placing the stones. Also did more of all of that again today - another 3 hours. So maybe my body just needed all that extra carbs. I really don't think I would have been able to do so much on Saturday without all those carbs / protein in my system already.
Saturday morning I wasn't hungry. I had a shake and coffee. Made the shake into 2 1/2 cups so that I could have more of it throughout the day. I made soup / potatoe puree loaf. Between the loaf and shake that was my 3 packages. I wasn't hungry during the day either. Today I wasn't hungry either as I had the shake plan again. I'm going to keep doing the shake all week and just choose packages that are lower in carbs.
I was / am up 2 pounds. I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm ok with it as I know to that all the work I've been doing has caused weight gain too. I figure the 2 pounds is more because of the work then the eating - either way I'm up. This morning I was hungry when I woke, but full with the breakfast - actually only had half of the package.
Made Mock French Toast (had 1/2 of that) with some rhubarb (total of 1 1/4c veg - 1c zucchini in toast) coffee. Will have the other half for lunch on snack tonight. At lunch planning on a shake,1 cup veg, Poon sausage (others aren't allowed), tea
Dinner - Poon sausage, 1 1/2c veg, tea
Snack - 1/4c chayote and Pre-made Shake (the premades are lower in carb, wanting that more for night as I'm trying to have less at night)
Of course.....water.
Interestingly I didn't whine or cry or beat myself up about my choice of doing that binge. I'm pleased about that. I'm not pleased that I still felt I had to hide what I was doing with the food from AJ. That is an old, old childhood issue of hiding / eating without my parents - especially my father - knowing about it. Being afraid of getting yelled at and hit. There is no real excuse for hiding the eating from AJ, I just couldn't justify the eating to him if he was to ask me about it even though I knew I was fine and sure of my decision. It has to do with fear, eating, food, explaining, and trusting myself. I need to continue to learn to trust myself and my body in the choices it needs instead of thinking from a fear angle. Always learning..........
Friday, June 9, 2017
Rockin...Maybe Not....
Weigh in today, down 2 pounds. Yeah.
I got the gravel and river rocks yesterday and have been working at getting them around the house. Still have lots on the drive way. Now I have to figure out where to put it all. I don't mind, I enjoy the work, mostly. I'm tired and a bit sore. And hungry.
Not a good thing. But not surprising either. I kinda figured I'd have another package because of all the work, instead I have been having a mini-binge this evening. I'm not hungry really, more just munchy hungry. I think it's 'that time of the month'. I have a feeling I will be having another package tonight again. I don't feel bad about wanting one more, or what I've been eating this evening. I'm not sorry.
I also know that I was planning on Sunday - but now I will start on Saturday - of having more shakes, just chicken and fish and veg, and lots of more water. I've been slowing down on the water again. I do have about 64 oz, which is the minimum. I think having the more 84 to 100 oz of water was better. I really want to see if doing a control will help have a major dip in weight....which is one of the thoughts of the re-feed tonight/binge.
This week is my birthday too. On Thursday. I have a lot of appointments that day. Going to Poon on Wednesday and seeing mom on Tuesday. Yeah, ready for her this time. Basically going to bring muffins and shake.
I figure too that I will have the stones around the house basically finished tomorrow so doing the restrictive will be ok as I will skip any more exercising except dog walking.
I love our house and the colour. It looks great and we are so pleased. People comment that they like it. I hope the guys will come and finish the enclosure on the side soon.
Tomorrow is jammie day...and stone day.....and start shake day. Are we ready? YES!
I got the gravel and river rocks yesterday and have been working at getting them around the house. Still have lots on the drive way. Now I have to figure out where to put it all. I don't mind, I enjoy the work, mostly. I'm tired and a bit sore. And hungry.
Not a good thing. But not surprising either. I kinda figured I'd have another package because of all the work, instead I have been having a mini-binge this evening. I'm not hungry really, more just munchy hungry. I think it's 'that time of the month'. I have a feeling I will be having another package tonight again. I don't feel bad about wanting one more, or what I've been eating this evening. I'm not sorry.
I also know that I was planning on Sunday - but now I will start on Saturday - of having more shakes, just chicken and fish and veg, and lots of more water. I've been slowing down on the water again. I do have about 64 oz, which is the minimum. I think having the more 84 to 100 oz of water was better. I really want to see if doing a control will help have a major dip in weight....which is one of the thoughts of the re-feed tonight/binge.
This week is my birthday too. On Thursday. I have a lot of appointments that day. Going to Poon on Wednesday and seeing mom on Tuesday. Yeah, ready for her this time. Basically going to bring muffins and shake.
I figure too that I will have the stones around the house basically finished tomorrow so doing the restrictive will be ok as I will skip any more exercising except dog walking.
I love our house and the colour. It looks great and we are so pleased. People comment that they like it. I hope the guys will come and finish the enclosure on the side soon.
Tomorrow is jammie day...and stone day.....and start shake day. Are we ready? YES!
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Food / Part 2
I know, you were wondering about the food!
I felt like I over ate, but I know I really didn't. I think it was because I kept almost all my food for the evening, and because of that, I continuously ate. It was great when we got to the party that there was cucumbers and celery as they are on my unlimited list of things I could have. Realized I should keep some Walden Farm's Caramel syrup in my purse, as that helps with having a dip for the veggies. Next time planning that.
When Bev brought out the hot salsa dip and chips, I sighed, I must admit. I like the mexican idea dip of sour cream, salsa, melted cheese with the nacho chips - it's one of my favorite foods. But I suddenly realized I had brought some sweet chili nachos along, so I went and got them. No dip, but still good. Apparently IP is bringing out a cheese nacho, have my order in for that - get to pick it up this coming Friday. The sweet chili is burny for me a bit, but I do like it. Filling.
In the morning I planned and made 2 IP packages into muffins (3 for Saturday, and 3 for Sunday morning breakfast), made a vanilla shake on Friday night and froze it - used more water so I was able to divide it into basically 3 containers. Had 2 of the containers throughout the day, and added some to my coffees. Actually ended up with 1 container unused and used some of that for Sunday morning's coffee too.
Breakfast on Saturday I made egg whites with 1/2 cup spinach, and for lunch had 1/4 cup rhubarb. Tea and coffee rounded out those. I drank a bit of the shake too. When I picked up AJ, I had some more of the shake, and at the hotel I ate 2 of the muffins. I was getting hungry.
I wasn't overall food focused at the party. Some of it did bring on a longing, but not in a crazy, I'm going to lose it way. The desserts looked good, but I had brought the remaining muffin and a caramel chocolate bar - which is my favourite. They helped. I drank a lot of water, with lemon as that was being offered. Don't know if the lemon made my carb count go to high. I gauged the salmon, asparagus and green beans. Think they were ok in the amounts. So food wise, I was ok at the party - I guess I had planned enough for that, that I knew what I was going to be doing and stuck with it, and ignored the other foods as best I could. In a way, I was short a bit as I didn't have the total of all the shakes.
The harder part was when we went to Tim's for breakfast. AJ had a cream cheese bagel and muffin. Looking at all of those foods, I wanted something as I had worked hard at avoiding stuff the night before. I just reminded myself that all of the donuts/bagels etc were off the list for me here too. Sighed, oh well, and ate my muffins.
I have noticed lately that I am getting more and more full with the amounts I'm eating. It's more head/taste/emotional that I want to eat. Like having a bagel/ donut or cookie at Tim's because I remember - to me - they taste good - I like the taste. That needs work. That's what concern's me with being on Phase 4, that I will go nuts and eat all those foods I've been avoiding for the first week or two. Which will then lead me into continuing them. Not something I want to do. Going to go for a healing on that issue. There is another part of me that knows I will not do that - not go crazy and eat it all, that I will just have something and let it go until the next time, and just eat wisely. Like that part!!!
Oh! I had weighed in on Friday at both IP and Poon. At home that morning I was 191. IP was a zero weight loss/gain. On Saturday morning I weighed in at home.... 189.6! Ha ha ha. I thought I should go to IP and weigh in. I was a bit nervous from eating all my foods in the evening and so close together, but my weight as 189.4 lbs! I hope next weigh in it will be even lower!
I felt like I over ate, but I know I really didn't. I think it was because I kept almost all my food for the evening, and because of that, I continuously ate. It was great when we got to the party that there was cucumbers and celery as they are on my unlimited list of things I could have. Realized I should keep some Walden Farm's Caramel syrup in my purse, as that helps with having a dip for the veggies. Next time planning that.
When Bev brought out the hot salsa dip and chips, I sighed, I must admit. I like the mexican idea dip of sour cream, salsa, melted cheese with the nacho chips - it's one of my favorite foods. But I suddenly realized I had brought some sweet chili nachos along, so I went and got them. No dip, but still good. Apparently IP is bringing out a cheese nacho, have my order in for that - get to pick it up this coming Friday. The sweet chili is burny for me a bit, but I do like it. Filling.
In the morning I planned and made 2 IP packages into muffins (3 for Saturday, and 3 for Sunday morning breakfast), made a vanilla shake on Friday night and froze it - used more water so I was able to divide it into basically 3 containers. Had 2 of the containers throughout the day, and added some to my coffees. Actually ended up with 1 container unused and used some of that for Sunday morning's coffee too.
Breakfast on Saturday I made egg whites with 1/2 cup spinach, and for lunch had 1/4 cup rhubarb. Tea and coffee rounded out those. I drank a bit of the shake too. When I picked up AJ, I had some more of the shake, and at the hotel I ate 2 of the muffins. I was getting hungry.
I wasn't overall food focused at the party. Some of it did bring on a longing, but not in a crazy, I'm going to lose it way. The desserts looked good, but I had brought the remaining muffin and a caramel chocolate bar - which is my favourite. They helped. I drank a lot of water, with lemon as that was being offered. Don't know if the lemon made my carb count go to high. I gauged the salmon, asparagus and green beans. Think they were ok in the amounts. So food wise, I was ok at the party - I guess I had planned enough for that, that I knew what I was going to be doing and stuck with it, and ignored the other foods as best I could. In a way, I was short a bit as I didn't have the total of all the shakes.
The harder part was when we went to Tim's for breakfast. AJ had a cream cheese bagel and muffin. Looking at all of those foods, I wanted something as I had worked hard at avoiding stuff the night before. I just reminded myself that all of the donuts/bagels etc were off the list for me here too. Sighed, oh well, and ate my muffins.
I have noticed lately that I am getting more and more full with the amounts I'm eating. It's more head/taste/emotional that I want to eat. Like having a bagel/ donut or cookie at Tim's because I remember - to me - they taste good - I like the taste. That needs work. That's what concern's me with being on Phase 4, that I will go nuts and eat all those foods I've been avoiding for the first week or two. Which will then lead me into continuing them. Not something I want to do. Going to go for a healing on that issue. There is another part of me that knows I will not do that - not go crazy and eat it all, that I will just have something and let it go until the next time, and just eat wisely. Like that part!!!
Oh! I had weighed in on Friday at both IP and Poon. At home that morning I was 191. IP was a zero weight loss/gain. On Saturday morning I weighed in at home.... 189.6! Ha ha ha. I thought I should go to IP and weigh in. I was a bit nervous from eating all my foods in the evening and so close together, but my weight as 189.4 lbs! I hope next weigh in it will be even lower!
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Social / Part 1
Made it thru, no surprise. Went to pick up AJ at his brother's. When I got there and knocked, Jan opened the door, invited me in, and I quickly had to go to the bathroom..... ah the joy of water..... We sat and talked for a while, then AJ and I left. Apparently when I went to the bathroom, AJ said Jan had looked surprised when she opened the door, and then talked to his brother in the other room. We think that they had planned for snacks, but when she saw me she decided it would be better not to offer or mention it. Wise decision. They haven't seen me since last year, though they knew I was going to RH.
We got to the hotel - it was a nice place, but very busy in the parking lot and front desk / lobby. The room itself was nice, clean, quiet. Able to sleep comfortably, tho some aching as at home we have a pillow top mattress and on my side an extra foam top because of my pain. Sad thing about the room - they had one ply rough toilet paper. Really? Big fail there.
We got to the party. And the socializing really began. I smiled a lot and looked at the yard....and the house. They have a very nice place! Some people have that touch, I wish I did. Our place always has that lived in look, instead of the glossy magazine photos. I know, those aren't real places to live in, but they look so well put together and clean.
The host and hostess (Bev and Perc) were of course, very gracious. They had cucumbers/celery/other veg out, they confirmed my dinner meal - yes, please just steam the green beans and asparagus for me, thank you. Made sure dill and olive oil was ok on my salmon. (yes). They offered me sugarfree cranberry drink (no) and strawberries for dessert (no). They were fine with me having my carbonated water, chips and chocolate bar. Then again, the way everyone was drinking - there were 5 couples in total, no one really noticed. They are all old friends so there was a lot of 'remember when' stories, and although AJ is part of the group we don't see them all that much, there were also a lot of stories of recent get togethers that we hadn't been to. (Which is fine, like a wedding - I can see we weren't invited to it, very small gathering) They talked of topics that I really don't have much opinion on - Trump, golfing, drinking, Portugal, the wedding...
So I just smiled and listened a lot. When I could comment on something, I did.
When I was more with just one person, like the hostess, I was able to talk more/ socialize a bit more. I do better one to one, or two to one then I do in large groups. I know this of me. It wasn't as stressful overall, it was just...well, just boring for me. AJ had a good time, and enjoyed seeing / talking with them, and that made me happy. I find watching the people interesting too, especially as they drink more and more. Not in a judgmental way, just how they react, swirl the wine in the glass (I wonder if it will spill) impressed it doesn't go all over the floor with the amount it swirls! Watch the movement of the people getting together to personally talk, things like that. And of course, study the decorating, yard too.
We were on the front porch, waiting for our ride, and the host was out there with us. He looked worn and drunk and .... - sad - isn't the right word, not really sure what word is, but just so 'going thru the motions' kind of personality. He was a lot like that all night. I could see they both enjoy hosting very much, are good at it, like the people, it was ... he didn't talk much. Then again, he was like that the last time (first time I met them) too. An overseer, ensuring everything was running smoothly and no one was missing anything. Always making sure there was wine available, food offered etc, important that everyone was enjoying being there. I'm not meaning it in a negative/down way, and the hostess was more upbeat, it was just what I noticed with him. Wondered if he was like that in more areas of his life, which I think he is as he talked on the porch about his job (accountant). It was just the way he talked on the front porch with the two of us that made me think on it more.
Don't think we will see them for a while again. Funny how that is with AJ's friends, he has a lot of friends, yet we rarely see any of them. Me, yup, I don't have very many at all, and I rarely see them, tho I do talk on the phone with them more. (AJ doesn't even do that, but when they get together, they pick up where they left off....and remember when......)
Next big social is AJ's family/friends Primo party at the end of this month. Basically they all get together - about 100 of them - and play golf (not me, and not AJ anymore) then have dinner and socialize. Ahhh, those are family so there will be a bit more people for me to chat with at least.
We got to the hotel - it was a nice place, but very busy in the parking lot and front desk / lobby. The room itself was nice, clean, quiet. Able to sleep comfortably, tho some aching as at home we have a pillow top mattress and on my side an extra foam top because of my pain. Sad thing about the room - they had one ply rough toilet paper. Really? Big fail there.
We got to the party. And the socializing really began. I smiled a lot and looked at the yard....and the house. They have a very nice place! Some people have that touch, I wish I did. Our place always has that lived in look, instead of the glossy magazine photos. I know, those aren't real places to live in, but they look so well put together and clean.
The host and hostess (Bev and Perc) were of course, very gracious. They had cucumbers/celery/other veg out, they confirmed my dinner meal - yes, please just steam the green beans and asparagus for me, thank you. Made sure dill and olive oil was ok on my salmon. (yes). They offered me sugarfree cranberry drink (no) and strawberries for dessert (no). They were fine with me having my carbonated water, chips and chocolate bar. Then again, the way everyone was drinking - there were 5 couples in total, no one really noticed. They are all old friends so there was a lot of 'remember when' stories, and although AJ is part of the group we don't see them all that much, there were also a lot of stories of recent get togethers that we hadn't been to. (Which is fine, like a wedding - I can see we weren't invited to it, very small gathering) They talked of topics that I really don't have much opinion on - Trump, golfing, drinking, Portugal, the wedding...
So I just smiled and listened a lot. When I could comment on something, I did.
When I was more with just one person, like the hostess, I was able to talk more/ socialize a bit more. I do better one to one, or two to one then I do in large groups. I know this of me. It wasn't as stressful overall, it was just...well, just boring for me. AJ had a good time, and enjoyed seeing / talking with them, and that made me happy. I find watching the people interesting too, especially as they drink more and more. Not in a judgmental way, just how they react, swirl the wine in the glass (I wonder if it will spill) impressed it doesn't go all over the floor with the amount it swirls! Watch the movement of the people getting together to personally talk, things like that. And of course, study the decorating, yard too.
We were on the front porch, waiting for our ride, and the host was out there with us. He looked worn and drunk and .... - sad - isn't the right word, not really sure what word is, but just so 'going thru the motions' kind of personality. He was a lot like that all night. I could see they both enjoy hosting very much, are good at it, like the people, it was ... he didn't talk much. Then again, he was like that the last time (first time I met them) too. An overseer, ensuring everything was running smoothly and no one was missing anything. Always making sure there was wine available, food offered etc, important that everyone was enjoying being there. I'm not meaning it in a negative/down way, and the hostess was more upbeat, it was just what I noticed with him. Wondered if he was like that in more areas of his life, which I think he is as he talked on the porch about his job (accountant). It was just the way he talked on the front porch with the two of us that made me think on it more.
Don't think we will see them for a while again. Funny how that is with AJ's friends, he has a lot of friends, yet we rarely see any of them. Me, yup, I don't have very many at all, and I rarely see them, tho I do talk on the phone with them more. (AJ doesn't even do that, but when they get together, they pick up where they left off....and remember when......)
Next big social is AJ's family/friends Primo party at the end of this month. Basically they all get together - about 100 of them - and play golf (not me, and not AJ anymore) then have dinner and socialize. Ahhh, those are family so there will be a bit more people for me to chat with at least.
Friday, June 2, 2017
I Feel Skinny
Today was Poon day. And IP day. I did both today as I had to bring AJ to his brother's place. They are playing poker and he needed a drive down. Tomorrow we go for dinner at some friends place in the big city.... so AJ's sleeping over at his brothers, and tomorrow afternoon I will pick him up. On to the city, for dinner and stay overnight at a hotel. Jax gets to stay at the kennel, and the cats are watched over by the neighbour.
AJ let the people know that the food/meat for me is just plain if possible. They were find with it. They are very accommodating. I do have my snacks and drinks planned to bring with. Also I have my morning meal planned out. And dinner for Sunday night made - just needs to be heated up.
With my IP weigh in - I was 0. No weight loss but no weight gain. At Poon's I am 3.8 lbs down - 5 pounds of fat, but up 1 pound of water. Don't know how that works, but I'll take it.
Funny thing is, I feel skinny. AJ, Laura and Dr B have mentioned I look slimmer. Even when I dropped Jax off Patty said I looked good. When I think of my body, I see / feel my collar bone, I see / feel my stomach flat and smaller, I see / feel my body slim and without excess weight. I feel it. So it must be true!!
I know sensing those changes in my body also help confirm to me that I can do it.
Today as we drove down, I also planned my meals and snacks. Dinner was leftover pot roast and cauliflower/zucchini.
B - coffee
S - 1/2 muffins
L - cucumbers, 1/4c jicama, 1/2 shake, 1/4c rhubarb, coffee with some of my shake in it
S - 1/2 muffins
D - pot roast, 2 3/4caul/zucc, 1/4c rhubarb, rest of shake, and 1/2 puffs. (mix of apple cinnamon and chocolate puffs)
S - rest of puffs, 1/2c chayote
I find more and more as I get away from those sugar spices that I'm not as hungry anymore. So glad about that. I still have munchie emotional want eating, but not as bad either.
I do have some concern about being at the dinner tomorrow as I struggle at times with being with a lot of people and food around. Anxiety rises a bit, and these people are AJ's friends, though I do know them, I still feel the outsider and not sure what to say. I know, I know just be friendly. Funny how social awkwardness continues, even though I can do socializing, I semi-focus on food. Will see what happens tomorrow!
AJ let the people know that the food/meat for me is just plain if possible. They were find with it. They are very accommodating. I do have my snacks and drinks planned to bring with. Also I have my morning meal planned out. And dinner for Sunday night made - just needs to be heated up.
With my IP weigh in - I was 0. No weight loss but no weight gain. At Poon's I am 3.8 lbs down - 5 pounds of fat, but up 1 pound of water. Don't know how that works, but I'll take it.
Funny thing is, I feel skinny. AJ, Laura and Dr B have mentioned I look slimmer. Even when I dropped Jax off Patty said I looked good. When I think of my body, I see / feel my collar bone, I see / feel my stomach flat and smaller, I see / feel my body slim and without excess weight. I feel it. So it must be true!!
I know sensing those changes in my body also help confirm to me that I can do it.
Today as we drove down, I also planned my meals and snacks. Dinner was leftover pot roast and cauliflower/zucchini.
B - coffee
S - 1/2 muffins
L - cucumbers, 1/4c jicama, 1/2 shake, 1/4c rhubarb, coffee with some of my shake in it
S - 1/2 muffins
D - pot roast, 2 3/4caul/zucc, 1/4c rhubarb, rest of shake, and 1/2 puffs. (mix of apple cinnamon and chocolate puffs)
S - rest of puffs, 1/2c chayote
I find more and more as I get away from those sugar spices that I'm not as hungry anymore. So glad about that. I still have munchie emotional want eating, but not as bad either.
I do have some concern about being at the dinner tomorrow as I struggle at times with being with a lot of people and food around. Anxiety rises a bit, and these people are AJ's friends, though I do know them, I still feel the outsider and not sure what to say. I know, I know just be friendly. Funny how social awkwardness continues, even though I can do socializing, I semi-focus on food. Will see what happens tomorrow!
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