Shifting

Here goes:

I few weeks ago I had a dream in which I was going very fast thru a 'tunnel' that was golden like.  I was calling for God, and I was calm.  I wasn't afraid.  I was more interested in the fact that I was calling for God still - even though I have in a sense moved beyond the word God in what light/love/spirit/energy is to me.  I don't know what to describe my belief is although I obviously still use the word God to describe it.  I woke thinking about it, and thought my birthday was coming and it felt like I was going thru the birth canal again.

When I saw Jacqui, she mentioned that something happened to me a few weeks ago....and them mumbled something that maybe in was in a dream, and then didn't continue talking about.  But I thought of that 'dream'.

Early Friday morning last week, I was awake and laying in bed (it was 4am) and began thinking about money and knowing we have money.  I was calmer about finances compared to the way I have been stressed over it.

I went to my IP weigh in.  I did tell Laura about my weekend eating and giving up story.  She was shocked.  I then said I had talked with Jacqui and decided to continue.  I got on the scale and Laura was shocked again as I had lost 4 pounds. I did really well!

As I was driving home and suddenly I KNEW, I just knew I was done with my weight.  As in I knew/sensed that I was already 155 lbs and that I would have this last bit of weight come off now.  I thought about it and realized it was like I was completely finished with this challenge.  Or test.  Like in school, you have a test and if you fail, you continue to learn it, try the test again, fail, and learn more etc.....  I knew/felt that I was done with my weight issue etc.  It was no more and issue and no more a challenge or test for me.  NOT to say I can just go and eat. Or that I wont have days where all I want is to eat / eat junk food etc.  I will just like other people need to be aware, make choices that are wise, exercise to keep strong, deny times where all I want is something junky, (deny the junky), go back to phase 1 at times etc.  All this I can see will need to be done for the rest of my life.  BUT the difference is that doing this is no longer like the other times I swore I'd never gain weight again.  I remember those weight losses and I didn't know who I was then.   Not to say I know exactly who I am now, it's just I didn't lose weight this time for the same reasons as the last 2 times.  This time there was no approval (eh, ok, a bit from my mom still, but not exactly the same) from others to feel acceptable in life.  To lose weight to get a boyfriend / sex.  All the reasons I lost weight before wasn't the reason I lost weight this time.  This time I lost weight because.... well because I just wanted to lose the weight and be healthier.  I wanted this weight issue gone from me.  This has shifted in me.

Driving home realizing this, realizing I no longer needed to focus so much on my weight/loss/eating etc because now I was just getting the last bits of weight off - as quickly and easily as I can.  Hopefully by August 2017 I will be 155 lbs. Either way, I'm done.

Knowing this, I thought as I drove, that now because my weight is no longer an issue for me - that I finished that challenge, that I would focus on another challenge that has hounded me for years.  $$$$$$MONEY$$$$$$  Now I will start dealing with my issues about money.  About how I spend money, save money, deal with money.  Not sure how to start this, but I knew this is another challenge I want to heal.  So when I see Marly, I will deal with a bit more weight loss issues that linger, and start with my money issues.  This needs shifting.

And AJ has decided / is open to moving.......................