Decision

So, I decided.  With the help of Jacqui.  I decided that 150 lbs is not for me, but 160 lbs feels best.  And I will aim to be at 160 lbs by Friday September 1, 2017. It's doable, my body is with me on it, it is just me deciding on what I want.  I don't want to be 180 lbs, I know I'm not finished yet - even if I stopped now, I would always know I never finished to where I planned to go.  I'm back.  I'm back on track (well, starting tomorrow).  Back to shakes and measuring and weighing everything I eat.  Today I was up .8 lbs, and I did have a shake in the morning, but because I ended up out too long at lunch, I ate the snacks I had in my purse.  For dinner I will have chicken, celery root hash, cauliflower, jicama. And I am going to have a snack tonight - brownie with rhubarb.  I'm going to enjoy it too!

In my talk with Jacqui, she said I was a butterfly.  No longer a caterpillar, and that has disappeared.  I am in the cocoon, growing my wings - there is no caterpillar anymore in the cocoon - just like me, I am no longer who I was, I am still becoming who I will be.  She said that's why I'm having the woosies too, not because of a need for food, but because I'm sorta not there but there.  Ok, I know that sounds weird.  I get what she means though.  I had stopped to think this weekend, and got dizzy between the two worlds in a way.  Now I am back - going to the new world / the new me.  It didn't matter if I stopped, I just had to DECIDE what I wanted / where I wanted to go.

There is a bit of relief in me that I am going to continue.  It's like a runner, I got the half marathon done, but now want to go to the full marathon - 160 lbs.

I talked too about my fear of eating everything I want when I do get down to 160 lbs and gain weight.  She said no, that will not happen because it's not what I want.  I might have some of the foods, but I've been training so long, that my body, my thinking, my emotions, my thoughts are all on me staying 160 lbs.  As far as going to the states - she said GO in October/end of September.  Celebrate my achievement.  Explained why too I couldn't be overly happy with my weight now, it's great, but not where I truly want to be, so I don't want to celebrate.

Now I'm re-focused and in training. ha ha.