Carolyn

I like to read Carolyn Hax.  She has the most interesting insights and advice for people of all the newspaper 'Ann Landers' people I have read.

With my issues of trust, and my need to be in control.  I found today's - Carolyn Hax - interesting and amusing.

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared on Oct. 17 and Sept. 29, 2004, respectively.

Dear Carolyn:

People have often shrugged me off with, "Oh, that's just because you like to be in control," and I'm starting to wonder if they're correct. Any suggestions for identifying/solving my possible control issues?

-- Mission Control

If you think someone else might be right, congratulations! You're cured.

Kidding, but only a little. The need to control is really just a failure to trust. You have to drive because so-and-so will be reckless; you have to keep your mate in sight or else s/he'll cheat; you have to do everything yourself because underlings won't be as competent ... stop me when this sounds familiar.

A failure to trust, meanwhile, is really just a triumph of fear. Fear of crashing, heartbreak and failure in the examples I just gave, but it's all one biggie -- fear of the unknown. Specifically, that you won't be able to handle any outcome that deviates from the one you've envisioned.

Which means the person you don't trust is yourself. Right?

That's hard to admit, but also, I think, the hardest part of the process. From here, there's no universal solution, but asking why you're so scared is a start, or -- the true measure of strength -- just slowly releasing your grip on getting the exact outcome you want.

I never realized trust and control went together like this.  Boom!