Sunny Days

Ah, sunshine.  Finally.  It's been sunny and semi-warm here lately.  And it's going to last for another 2 days.  I got to clean up the yard.....I have a puppy remember.  

What's so funny with Jax is during the winter he would run his trails - and now with all the snow gone, you can see he will still sometimes run those imaginary trails.  I was talking with a woman who helps run the dog park here and she suggested I go around 9am and/or send out a note asking for someone who can meet so the dogs can play.  She said there were some good people around, and the dogs were good.  I think in about a month I will go and check it out.

Tomorrow is going to be busy.  We have to go to London for walker supplies for AJ's walker, and it's Global Pets senior day.  Then we have company coming over in the afternoon - which we will go out for dinner with.  Because of that, I had to do some of the shopping for stuff today.  I still need to wipe down/clean a bit for tomorrow as Bruce is allergic to cats.

Made Cinnamon Pork in the slow cooker last night, so we'd have dinner ready tonight. Thankfully it's almost dinner time - I'm hungry!!

I have been a bit down lately, and not feeling like saying much - as you can probably tell with these posts.  Not sure why I'm down.  Things are going well.  I wonder if it's the Metho.  I did a shot yesterday.  I'm doing them every other week now as I'm just too down, wiped and hungry most of the time if I do them every week.  I don't know if that works.  I have another month until I see my RA doc to ask her.  I don't know what else to take as I've basically tried everything for RA.  Going off will give me some time with just the basic pain, but eventually will hit me with major pain again - as it usually does when I stop the Metho.

My hip has really been aching too.  Makes walking difficult.  I think I will ask RA Doc for an MRI on my low back / hips.  

I'm ready for dinner.

Ta

Something Good

Like others I get emails to forward on.  Mostly I don't.  And there are a lot about 'be positive' etc.  But this one (I hope I did this right, and it came out) was one that struck me as unusual.  Not that the message was different, but the way it was delivered and said.

I liked it.  I hope you do too.

Who's in the Bathroom?

When we lived in our old house it was one small floor.  We could basically tell where everyone (pets and us) were.

In this house, it's many levels.  Basement, family room level, main floor level, upper bedroom levels.  And there are weird noises that we are still learning.  We will be sitting in the family room level and hear these thumping and bumping sounds in the bedrooms.  Or banging from outside.  Now I KNOW the banging outside is the neighbour, and I KNOW the thumping upstairs is Princess deciding to play with Penny Penguin. (little ball toy - which I have to find since it's missing off the bed now)

But what was really weird was the other day AJ was cleaning my bathroom (his job is bathrooms and dishes/kitchen) I came in with the vacuum and back out.  Later I went in to use the room and opened the door, there on the floor was - 

Now, that's a kinda neat looking knob.  On the back it was broken off, all metal.  Wasn't a usual button.  No where in the bathroom had anything that would have that / have it come off.  AJ couldn't figure it out either.

So..... who was in the bathroom?

Was it under something and between cleaning / vacuuming / and possibility the cats did it come out?  Was it from when the painters were here a while ago and now suddenly appeared?  What would it fit with?  I really  like the spiral.  

I was showering the next day and suddenly I knew the answer!  I knew who was in the bathroom...

It was ME!

As I showered I looked down towards my slippers/shoes and saw and empty round mark. After I got out, I looked at the other slipper and sure enough - there was the same knob.

It's funny how one finds something and can't figure out how it got there.

Ok, not the most exciting mystery story.  ha ha ha

Today I'm still worn from yesterday's trip.  Thankfully I didn't do much today.  I did get to walk Jax this afternoon as AJ was in physio.  Tomorrow and the weekend doesn't have much going on - which is good, I have books to read!  And hot chocolate to drink.  😺😺

Michael's Sale

This morning I got an email that Michael's Store had a 50% sale on art stands.  What!  AJ lets go, change your physio appoint to tomorrow as the sale ends tomorrow.

So off we went, put Jax in daycare (think he was glad as the last few days have rained and I haven't even walked him much).  

Got the stand and a few paints.  Look forward to continuing painting.

We did some shopping of course since we were in London.

Which ends up being a very long day.

Yup.  That's it.  Will write tomorrow.

Night.  

Ta

Clarified....

I was thinking when I went to bed last night about my last quick post.  I think I wrote it quickly without adding a few thoughts.

1.  My Brother in Law is NO WHERE near what my father was like.  My bil is a nice person, with challenges being married, and married to my sister, and having kids.  He's got his days where he flies off the handle and yells - just like my sister.  Bil loves his kids, and also my sis.  But from my perspective - sometimes I wonder if divorce would have been easier for both of their lives.  And the boys.

2.  Judging.  I'm not judging either of their choices.  They must live their lives as they believe is right.  I had a lot of therapy (which neither was ever interested in), did a lot of work emotionally, learned to detach from a lot of family drama, and ended up marrying a very different type of man.  Not to say I am without family drama, I do still have issues that I get caught up in, get hurt by and squawk about.  Then I work at healing them.  Hopefully.

That being said.  I really do understand when my mom says - how could I leave?  I didn't read english well, I had no money, no car, 2 little girls, and no friends who believed me (about her husband's abuse).  Most of her friends were busy having an affair with my father.  He thought mom was stupid and would tell them she was.  They thought he was wonderful, handsome and generous - I mean, really, he would take them out to fancy restaurants/ hotels etc, what did it matter that mom was unable to figure out what to make for dinner.  And boy did he get violent if there wasn't dinner ready for him when he got home.  

I can see and understand that she felt at that time that she could not leave.  There was no support.  A bit of a difference though, is that my sis has support and there is a lot more for those who leave spouses.  Mom always said to her, don't leave your house or else you will lose it.  And you will lose the boys to him.

One of the interesting things AJ mentioned in the car, is that not only would there be custody - but that mom would lose HER access to the boys - which is / was a lot.  She was there almost every day.  Mom even told me when sis would talk of divorce - if she (sis) would leave then we (truly her) would not see the boys so much.  Family is everything to her.  She's second oldest of 7 and always wanted 6 kids. (oh Lord, that would have been interesting!!)  All that matters to her is family - and to her family that matters is THE BOYS.  She's told me this a few times over the years.  No surprise that helped me step back and know better where I stood with her. 

3.  When mom talked of Him (my father/her husband) she talked that he must be sad and lonely as he lost a lot.  I said, no.... I don't think he sees it that way.  She said but he has no family.  We get together all the time, we see each other, talk etc.  What does he have, besides his girlfriend and travelling.  I said - but that's what he always wanted (he told me this) all he ever wanted was his own money (girlfriend has to pay all her own share, or leave him), he always just wanted to travel (has done this for 30 yrs now) and date/ have sex with who he wanted.  (that I'm guessing he's done too).  Mom says her sister in Europe says he's old and bent over though.  (Her sis socializes with him, and also talks with mom)

That may be the case, but doesn't mean he's not happy with his choices.  Yes, he doesn't have contact with us - but then he never really wanted us.  I can see - per AJ and mom - that yes, he might think of us, and wish a visit, but I don't believe in the overall that he's sad about that.  Then again, I can only go on what I remember of him.  In the years of my 20's, early 30's I did have contact with him after their divorce.  It was a bit more of an adult conversation type, both made a bit of an effort to talk.  Until the day he blew and started yelling at me on the phone as he didn't like what I was saying.  I thought - I don't need this and hung up.  We never talked after that.  Even though I did send him a few emails, there was never a response.  In those talking years, he would talk to me of what matter to him.

I could see that my statements, though kindly said, were upsetting and confusing mom.  I said - but then, your life is much better, and you are much more happier without him.  Oh yes! And I backed off.  I do have empathy for her and there is no point or no healing if I push what I have observed and learned.  Sometimes healing is allowing.  I'm good with that.

She needs to believe that he's the one that lost out.  That she won.  She's not bitter, just because of all the hurt and pain she lived thru with him, she needs to believe he has paid somehow for it.  I can understand that.  With the struggle of the abuse I dealt with in therapy, I so wanted him to pay somehow.  That God would do justice.  I knew we couldn't do anything.  In time, I came to the point, whether he 'pays' somehow or not isn't going to change anything.  And I don't know if he really has sorrow over the past - he always told me that he was a great dad and husband - just problems over the years.  With his mental illness, he believes he never did anything wrong - because in his mind - well, he didn't.  

He has shaped and written his story as he wants and believes it to be.  Just as my mother, my sister and including me - have shaped and written our stories as we believe.  And future chapters are what we create on our own.  Such is life.

Update

Quickie.

AJ went yesterday to the doc - the answer is, basically his lower spine is compressing and there's not much that can be done.  Go to physio, take pain pills, exercise as best as he can.  It's basically great news as it means his hip is still good and no surgery required.  So now he's good with everything that is going on with him and going to live.  Yeah!

I looked into Feng Shui's Year of the Dog.  Found out that a Rabbit born in 1963 who is married has to watch out because they are at risk of having an affair.  I told AJ about it.  We laughed. I can't see either of us having an affair. Too much work.

Went to my mom's today.  Was a nice time.  Weather was great, drive was good.  Mom had a wine with AJ and then she started talking about her marriage to my father (not that it was a wonderful marriage).  She basically had started talking of my sis's marriage and comparing.  And went into the horrible things father did.  Sis's isn't that great either - from my point of view and what I hear.  Mom couldn't leave because she believed she couldn't, and when sis fought, mom would tell her to stay, so my sis couldn't leave either because my mom couldn't do it, didn't believe my sis would come out better then her.  So mom stayed until we (sis and I) were almost 20+ years old, and father pushed too far and mom got enough courage to have him leave.  Hence, I wonder if mom will 'let' my sis leave one day - and if at that time my sis will have any strength to even leave.  My sis also apparently had a mild heart attack a while ago.  The joys of my family.

In the end as AJ and I talked about it in the car - Not my circus, not my ponies or elephants. (I don't like monkeys....childhood abuse memories/issues).  I'm so very grateful I got out from out under my mother's control.  And basically detached from most of the drama.

Tired tonight.  Look forward to bedtime....maybe bedtime can be now.

Romance At It's Finest

So yesterday was Valentine's Day.  After 9 years together, we still enjoy going out.  This year, being romantic I suggested the museum.  Well, actually, I suggested on Monday since we didn't have any plans on Wednesday - let's go to the museum because we wanted to see the exhibit.  It didn't clue in that Wednesday was Valentine's Day.  But still, sounds good that we went out on Valentine's Day.  Right?

We have a little museum at the library.  It does a good job.  It has an exhibit until April on Funeral Rites and Burials.  Ha ha ha - now that's romantic!  Then too I had paid for the weight scale for AJ - even more romantic.

On Tuesday we had gone to London.  Needed to get some birdseed along with other things, and as I walked into the bird store I saw a sign.  Perfect.  I picked that up too.  Got back into the car and said to AJ (he didn't come in with me) you just got me a wonderful Valentine present. Oh....uh.....what did I get you?

I liked it.  I had the star and diamonds and on Valentine's Day I got the present.... I was so surprised.  I said now I just need the diamonds.  AJ kindly informed me that I had 'those big glass diamonds you had bought a few years ago.'  Ugh - not the kind I was thinking of, but that was funny.  So I found them, along with the star and added them to the sign.  I like it.

He also got me some flowers.  As we were in the grocery store he said he was going to get me flowers (surprised me) and asked me to pick out what I wanted.  They had roses etc all around $25.00.  And then over on the other side tulips for $7.00.  I said I wanted the tulips.  I really didn't want $25 flowers.  And the tulips - orangy/red with yellow - were delightful.

Sad part about Valentine's Day was I was ill.  I had tried and taken a Metho injection on Tuesday afternoon.  I've been having trouble breathing - explains why all those months I couldn't breathe but my xrays etc would be clear.  I'm wiped - standing around reading, I could just drop to the floor with the fatigue.  And I'm hungry!  I'm not hungry as I full and I can feel that, but my head keeps wanting to eat.  Like the switch will not turn off.  I didn't have all this issues last week.  Last week I was feeling good, clear, walking Jax, cleaning, happy.  This week I'm sleeping every 2 hours because I'm so wiped. And walking Jax .... poor guy is missing it.  We were going to go out to eat after the museum, but I just couldn't.  I had to get home and sleep.  We did get some Timmie's and AJ won a free coffee.  My luck so far is zero.  His - muffin and a coffee.

We want to go to my mom's on Saturday.  I'm hoping by tomorrow (Friday) I will start to feel better so that I can do the long drive on Saturday.  AJ feels bad for me and wishes he could do something to make me feel better......hummmmmm that SUV?  🚗😀