First the 'and then some' - yesterday I saw the Dr Poon. Actually wasn't that bad. He did say I only lost 1/2 pound of water. That wasn't great. He was nice. I think because all my visits showed some weight loss. He did question me. I figured it was mostly because I had basically stopped eating a lot of meat protein and was eating more bar proteins. And not enough water (as usual). In the end.... he wanted to see a 5 day food journal the next time. I get to see him again in two weeks. I'm ok with that, and with the food journal. I suspect writing down my foods will help me keep more on track then doing the tracking in my head. Also will keep me more in line with amount of meat protein. I am eating still the allowable foods.
The binge you ask? Yesterday morning instead of my usual pre weigh in vegan shake and tea, I had half a tablespoon of chia peanut butter (chia mixed in pb) and tea. I was so over stressed about the weigh in. Then after leaving the office I had a bar protein as usual. I was starving by lunchtime. I had seen a friend for a consult after Poon's. The burger place AJ and I ended up in was very busy. The original place we couldn't find parking so we kept driving, and I got hungier. Even though the cheeseburger was very good, the place was too crowded to enjoy the food. I also ended up eating the bottom bun, and half of AJ's fries, plus a few sips of canned Iced Tea. Then we had a Tim's coffee, and I had 2 chocolate pieces. I was full but not satisfied.
We got home, and later we had dinner. Had a cinnamon/flax bagel with cottage cheese/jam on one half and liverwurst on the other. All the counts in these things were ok. Jello and tea.
THEN it hit. I ate another package of chocolates, a bag of protein chips, then went back for a cloud bread with a huge slab of liverwurst. After that I looked at AJ and said I'm binging. He just nodded his head. This is the first time in about 3 months (since I started) that I clearly binged. I even think I ate another bar between there too. All of the binge stuff was allowable, but not the amounts all together. I couldn't stop. After the last one of cloud/liverwurst I was finally full and done.
I suspect the over stress, the bad breakfast, little weight loss, the starving drive, the gobble inhaling lunch, and come down at home .... just hit everything in me and I couldn't stop or feel full / comfortable without all that food. That part that deals with life with food - just needed to have a melt down. I didn't punish myself over it, I didn't look in the mirror and say negative things to myself. I just looked at AJ and made my comment outloud, recognized it and was at peace after it.
This morning I simply started again. With a big breakfast to start eating proper again. I had egg whites, portabello mushroom, slaw, bagel (allowed one) 1/2 with jam and cottage cheese, other with bit of butter and jam, BBQ sauce (all toppings in proper low amounts), coffee with skinny mocha and a scoop of protein shake/water in it. Coffee was good tasting. Not that I'd do it all the time. I have trouble figuring out coffee - just don't like it black and milk/cream isn't good for me, even the Waldern's cream.
Lunch was grilled chicken and lettuce, with 1/2 fat dressing, halva square, tea. Wasn't totally starving with the good breakfast. So having a proper light lunch was a smarter choice. This way I also don't end up starving at dinner.
I have another appointment this evening so dinner plan is a cinn/flax bagel with pb and jam, tea and probably a jello.
I have started writing down my foods only because I want to track it and get back on track. Instead of 5 days I will have more days to show.
Going for an energy healing session tonight. The consult talk decided this would be a good idea to do a few. Also will look into a personal trainer. Though not today - I'm just not up for doing any exercise, even walk the dog in this nice sunshine today. Think I need a bit of recovery time, so I'm going to read a book.
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