Started off seeing the nutritionist who after 15 mins told me I was on a very unhealthy diet as my protein was higher then my carbs. Hence that was a quick, and ending appointment. I totally disagree with her as I have been doing well, and I'm not nuts with the foods. Low carb works for me, and works for my health. She is going by the food guide beliefs. The sad thing is, she has diabetic patients, and I'm sure they are struggling, needing more pills and if she would just tell them to lower the carbs/grains etc they would probably do better. I know I am.
Next (after waiting 45 mins because of the quick appointment above) I saw the social worker. She was helpful. We talked, I told her what the nutritionist said etc. And also that I had been feeling down, struggling with the foods/eating. I also told her I went to church with a friend from art class. I was looking forward to my Sozo with the healers that day too. As we talked I realized that my weight and my spending were connected. Basically I try to control both, and the more I micro manage them, the worst they both get. I decided after much thinking for my Sozo that I would just simply talk about my weight/food/eating and spending.
I was looking forward to the Sozo, and I wasn't disappointed. It was healing. I'm not going to get into what happened in detail. What ended up being on the healing table was poverty (spending) and .... sexuality. I saw that the struggle I had been having with weight loss the last few weeks involved my fears and beliefs about my sexual worth. I was abused as a child. (I knew this already, and have had lots of therapy on it) As I wrote long ago, both times I lost a lot of weight I was looking for a man, and basically thought I was only good for one thing - so that's what I gave in hopes of getting love. I am very clear that this weight loss is not about that. But the old tapes/beliefs were surfacing. That my worth ($$) was only in my sex, and my losing weight now would show that again. I was struggling against that belief. They healed that stuff in the name of Jesus/God. I'm fine with this type of healing. I know it's not for everyone, but for me it's good. I will go back to the church, and when I feel it's time, go back for another Sozo.
Today was Poon day. I was accepting and prepared to hear that A) I had not lost weight or B) I had gained some weight. I was hoping for C) I had lost weight. Especially since my scale wasn't budging. I knew no matter what the results, I needed to go and be accountable for my actions and my weight. It was / is what it is. I got C. Hurray!!! Even though it was only 2 pounds down, I was grateful again. This time it was all 2 pds of fat.
I do since yesterday feel lighter and look forward to working again on my next two weeks. To do better with my snacks - instead of every hour or two, have them as they are meant - every 3-4 hours apart. To go and exercise. When I spoke with the social worker, she suggested I have a goal to work towards to help me stay motivated. My goal - to get into a jacket and pants I have from when I was slimmer. They have a gold design on the bottom and I like them.
WARNING: I can get them on, but not close/zip them. So if you don't want to see..... stop here and don't look!
this is me so far:
I know, I really have to work on that belly. For some reason, my belly is not going down. Goals....goals..... goals!
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