ScratchyThroat

Past few days my throat has been painful.  I've been spraying some stuff in my throat, using Lozenges, and taking Advil.  Fatigued too.  Dragging myself to do things.  Just so tired.

I wonder if the stress over the cats at Christmas and being in different hotels.... I might have picked something up.  Suppose to go for dinner, but Cate never called, and I just don't feel like going out.  Not too hungry either.

Spoke with Joan the other day.  Dealt with believing / trusting.  What came up was when my father's mother came for a visit from Germany when I was about 4 1/2 yrs old.  I loved her.  First time I met her, she would have tea and cookies with me at my little table.  She had time for me.  She came because my sis was born, but she also paid attention to me.  She was with us for about 4-6 weeks.  She went back to Germany.  That night I slept on the couch and was listening to a record.  Mom said I could listen to it, and if I slept there, I could sleep there again the next night.  The record was over, I went to mom to ask her to turn the record over, I wanted to listen to the other side.  She just told me to get into bed.  My father went and slept on the couch.  I really did want to listen to the other side of the record.  The next morning my parents were crying.  I felt bad that I had slept in the bed and explained I just wanted to listen to the other side of the record.  They told me his mother had died.  She had flown home, and when she was home she had a brain aneurysm/stroke. 

I know my mother had talked years later that my grandmother had come without her blood pressure medication, never was willing to go to the doctor to get some, ate a  lot of red meat and sugar when with us.  There were arguments also.  She was stubborn apparently.  But I loved her.

Joan said that when she left, she told me she would see me again.  I believed her.  And she died.  I knew as a child that she was never coming back.  She wasn't able to keep her promise.  I didn't understand death, but I did understand / know that she wasn't going to see me again.  That was the belief and trust.   So we cleared all that.  

My homework is to do a 2019 year plan.  so that by next year at the end of the year I can check of the things that I did / got.  Really need to find time to sit down and do that.  And do some art.  And figure out some meal plans......  Think I shall take a nap!