Thankfully I was at a sleep clinic and they do that kind of thing!
As far as sleep clinics go, they were pretty relaxed. Didn't get as many wires on as the last couple of sleep clinics I went to. The room was fine. The bed and pillow were ok. Only issues, I could see the light thru the cracks of the door, and the neigbour on one side woke me with their snoring. The best clinic I have ever been to is the one in Oshawa, Ont. They have a perfect room!
I don't think it will come out that I need a machine.... at least I hope I don't need one. I sleep around the house as it is, and a machine will make that difficult to do.
Again what I found was I felt the need to sleep a bit up on a slant as my chest made breathing a bit sore. The chair I have helps with that. I think I need a wedge in bed, or better yet, one of those machine beds that tilt up! Perfect! That would be wonderful! Will get it once the millions of $$$$$ comes rolling in......
Drive there and back was quiet. Except for me singing. Got home this morning and AJ was wake. Was surprised as I thought he would have been back into bed. Jax and Princess were so ready for breakfast. And Jax was thrilled with me home. Once AJ was dressed, we went to Timmy's for his breakfast (I had coffee and bar in car on the way home from Sarnia), Then off to the dog park - for a wet grass run, and home for a bath. (Jax got both, not us)
It's not even 9am yet and I'm ready for lunch! Wonder what I will do for the next few hours. Could shower and get the guck out of my hair.
Get to talk with Joan this week. Sent her a message for set up. She wanted me to think on why I didn't completely love myself. Emails....
me
Morning!
Sorry it took til Sunday to pay. I got it at night when I saw it, and then just wasn't close to my credit card each time I saw the invoice. Made a point of it this morning tho! 😉
Have been thinking on why I don't completely love myself. I get responded with not from this life. Nothing else. Is this correct? Or just me not seeing something? I haven't overly tried hard to focus on it. So I don't know my thoughts at the moment.
Other then that, I did miss a tapping - just didn't have it in me, and the internet was down. Last nights was - Thank God I'm Rich!
Hugs.
Joan
Morning,
No worries about the payment.
Your not completely loving yourself because something that happened in the past is stuck in your memory. At that moment in time when that incident happened, you decided you were not perfect and felt this was very unacceptable. I sense you were confused and felt that you weren't loved at that time. When we have those feelings we can feel that we do not love ourselves. When we have a past memory that we have been wounded by, we cut ourselves off of loving us unconditionally. In the next week try to catch yourself thinking, I will love myself if I get to the perfect weight, I will love myself if I have lots of money, I will love myself if..................... We have to get to a point where we love ourselves the way we are and for all our life experiences. Its not an easy process and does take time to get there, but is worth getting there. Love and honor youself for you, who you are. Because you are a beautiful, kind, loving, precious person. Start telling yourself "I love you and I am so proud of myself. Next session if we do the healing session a memory will come that is blocking you from totally loving yourself. I feel its going to be very helpful for you.
You have a wonderful day. Sending you some love energy.
Hugs,
Week later I wrote:
me
Hope things are going well.
My report..... Not sure there is much.
1. Finished laser weekly. Sorta ok. Bit emotional eating.
2. With Forrest dead we are trying to get Luci to eat other foods as cans too much. Looking at saving money too. Really doing and looking at that and choices. Still doing the tapping.
3. Most interesting? I woke the other night.... I knew I dreamt of my father. I tried to recall it and the pieces. In order:
Something about father.
Thinking on it -
Felt: we had been talking
Felt: he had a perplexed look
Felt:. I don't believe or trust that look....could be true but knowing him, not logical. Or am I projecting and he is confused.
Felt: spider. Not sure but think there was a spider. Thinking I heard the word spider.
Then dreamed morphed into me trying to get back to a guy who didn't really want me but I was trying to get him to. I was also talking with a woman about him. Man/guy did not look like my father.
Felt:. I was somewhat ???? angry but not the right word or feeling.
Felt: something about judgemental
Felt: I was trying to have sex again with him or convince him to have sex again.
Felt: there was more to the story dream
I could not grasp the dream really just the edges. Don't know if dreaming father and other guy was one dream or to different. All I know is I woke suddenly and I knew I dreamt of father. I was not upset or angry or sad when I woke or knowing I dreamt of him
That's about it for my excitement. Hope yours is much more fun and enjoyable! 😀
Talk Thursday.
Hugs
Joan
Good afternoon Beaautiful,
From having the dream about your father and maybe the other guy, might be worth explorig your memories about him/them. There is a key there, I feel alot is around your dad.
You have a wonderful weekend. Looking forward to next Thursday.
Big hug,
Realized I left out a tidbit on that dream afterwards:
When I thought about it, I had been talking to the woman telling her I was going to tell him what I thought. Felt this was where I was being judgmental. Yet, I also at that same time want his attention.
That night after the emails, I thought about the dream again and about father/guy. I wondered if I really had to think on them. I heard/felt....wait, the woman. That's when I remembered the tidbit I forgot to write about. And I wondered if she was more important.
I wondered if the woman was my mother, and now know, that she knew about it.... in the dream she was trying again to get me to not confront him or deal with it as then I would have to deal with her and her part.... and she didn't want to deal with her knowing.
Maybe the 'not completely loving' has more to do with my mother teaching me not to trust myself then my father's abuse which I have dealt a lot with.
I know I have struggled with the belief of 'if I'm perfect at....' then I will MAYBE be loved and acceptable. Which is where I get so very judgmental. Mostly and especially on myself. It rolls somewhat towards the actions of others as I can't understand why they get to be 'bad' and yet get away with it or people accept their actions without punishment..... but me, I get punishments.
Seriously, I get so worn at having to go back to remember things that I barely can access remembering to bring up things that I can't seem to clearly grasp so that I can move forward which just stalls me in confusion and wondering. Ugh. Then I get judgy and bitchy about unable to remember and wanting to so that I can get it dealt with........ double Ugh.
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