Just in case you wonder if I'm blind.... I'm not. I know I view Kim and Michelle and their friendship and mine with Michelle thru the self ego eyes. I know I make it more then it is, and study every little slight thru my ego again.
And today on facebook, (I'm friends with Kim,) she posted more numerous posts with / about her and Michelle. Michelle posted one commenting Gracie is now one of the big dog pack. Reading that I knew I was right about her going asap to the big dog park/side. Kim posted a few about the dogs and Michelle...and just posted a photo of her dinning table with a comment of waiting for Michelle and hubby to come over for fish n chips. She posts often when they all have lunch or dinner.
Me..... my ego..... notices that today there was a mega increase in Kim's posts about Michelle / Gracie.
And it hurts. I know ultimately it's my jealousy coming thru. My want. My hurt. My desire to have Michelle as a friend .... and super hurt that I couldn't also be friends with Kim. Hurt that I couldn't find a connection with both of them. Hurt that I got lost out on a fight I didn't even want to be in... and hurt that I allow myself to be affected by it. My longing to have a friend here - not exactly that it must be Michelle, but someone that I connect with and have the same interests - that makes this ego thing more intense I suspect.
Think I will need to work harder at letting all this go and forgetting about any friendship with Michelle - it's just not going to happen. As far as asking her to look after the cats if we go away - yes I will do that, and yes I will chat with her at the park when / if she comes over to the small side, but otherwise, it just hurts too much, and I let myself, my ego get too involved about it.
Sigh.
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