Skin

Ugh.  I'm itchy lately, feels like tiny bugs crawling on me.  And when I look - nothing.  

Today my feet are swollen? burn? puffy?  Not really sure how to explain, but they are sore and tender especially on the ball part.  It's like I can feel it poking out.  Doesn't make sense, I know.

My whole body feels uncomfortable in my skin.  It's like I'm trying to get out of it.  Like I want to pull or rip it off.  I can't breathe in it.  Like I'm itchy all over too.  And I want to cry.  I just want to get away from it.

Funny or weird thing is - I'm in a good (tho want to cry) happy mood.  Lately I've been singing... off key, but still singing.

I have stopped to see if I could tell what is going on, so far not much.  Wondered if it was with regards to my weight plans again.  So I talked and said I was choosing to do this for me, because I simply don't want to be so heavy, I'd rather be slim - and fit into those other clothes, those green or beige pants I have.

Still the edginess stays.  And the breathing is harder.  I KNOW I am getting air in, but it just feels so difficult at times, even without the chest pains.  I hope this humidity and heat are gone soon.  There is a thunderstorm banging around outside, no rain, just noise.

Last night I got the deck washed and cleaned.  Had to do it myself as the guy with the power washer - truck broke.  Then I washed the windows as I was wet already, so that's a bonus.  Took my time, rested, continued.  It's done for the year.

Saw the specialist the other day.  Saw him, knew I liked him.  He was nice.  Explained MGUS, listened about my chest pains - and wondered why no one ruled out heart issue, so he's sending me for that.  He said that usually he would be concerned when the levels were at 30 (I'm at 7) but it's good to keep an eye on it. Wondered if anyone was - no.  Wondered why RA doc ran tests - she wanted to check it. Kinda wondered why my NP wasn't more on top of things......yeah, but then my real NP is on mat leave.......

He did more exact blood work, and said he'd send me for a full body bone xray/scan.  Then if nothing shows, I'd see him in 6 months.  That works for me.  I should see the heart doc in about 2 weeks.

Ah the rains have come.

As AJ and I walked out we both wondered and said he looks so much like the doc that AJ saw first when we were looking into his kidney cancer issues.  The name was exactly the same too.  I bet it is as he was just as polite and informative then as he was with me.  Will ask next time I see him.

AJ also got a call for the surgeon re his shoulder.  Saw him today.  Basically.... well basically his shoulder is f*cked.  It's been years of damage.  He should have seen a doc almost 10 years ago on it - maybe then they could have done surgery.  Now, the muscles/nerves etc are so far gone/stretched that surgery will not help.  And if he had to do any surgery it would be a reverse shoulder - and basically couldn't wipe his butt afterwards because of the movement.

What we can do - what Doc will do - is cortisone shots.  Hopefully that will help him.  Doc was surprised with all the damage done that AJ could still move it etc.  That's because he has no other option I think.  It's his only working arm and his lifeline to walking etc.

I'd better get off the computer with the thunder rolling, it's noisy out there.  That's about it for the moment anyways.

Ugh my skin.....I wonder if it's a shedding of the old me?  Probably.