Point - I listened and wrote it Friday night so it was ready to post on Saturday. I COULDN'T stand up for very long Saturday. I was so ill. Nausea, headache, spacey. I was weak and unfocused.
First during the night Jax had the runs and kept wanting to go outside. That was good that he was able to let me know and get him out. Every few hours I was awaken and up with him. Other then the runs, he was fine - eating, drinking, happy and willing to play a bit. He did sleep all day with me tho. Not sure if that was because he knew I was ill, or because he wasn't feeling all that great. Either way.
I got up, we had breakfast and read the paper. I went back to bed. Breakfast was just waffles and hot chocolate. Then up - somewhat.... decided on a bit of lunch (chicken piece and a few cookies, yeah real healthy I know) and tea. I wanted to read but couldn't see or focus and being upright was nauseaing. Back to bed.
Dinner I was up again, still with the headache (had taken Advil before), that was tea and ? I can't remember but it wasn't much. I posted finally. Watched a bit of TV with AJ and by 10pm (was up at 8pm) I was ready for bed again.
Next morning I could stand, but no shower. Headache basically gone, nausea calmer. WORKED at making breakfast - omelette and coffee. Put on the sandpoint even tho it was 8am. By 10am I was able to shower.
AJ said I had to get back to my vitamins after my appointment. Yeah. I think they help. I also know I'm sensitive to the humidity too.
BUT when I went to bed at night, I was thinking still on the abundance etc.
I finally think I got a bit of insight. I saw me as a child taking money out of my mother's tin. I did that often. But this vision, I was taking money out to give to Linda as she was offering me singing lessons. Yeah, right. Well, she did listen to me sing and say things but she just was using me.
Side note: Her brother Jimmy liked me. I was told I could be his girlfriend but I would have to do everything he said or else he would be able to take me to the ditch tunnel (on the other road, we would go sledding down the hill there) and I would have to take all my clothes off and he could do what he wanted to me. I thought, now if I had a boyfriend..... maybe the kids would like me too......but to do everything would be what Linda wanted............and to let Jimmy do............ At first I said yes. She went home to tell him. I thought on it some more and realized somehow that I would be very hurt some how. I went and told her NO. She said I couldn't take it back and tried to convince me I was now his girlfriend. I argued as best I could, and unable to hold on, started crying. At which point I walked around the house, under Jimmy's window (realized later when I heard him move). Linda came around and gave up. She said ok, I wasn't his girlfriend anymore. Basically after all that, during those few weeks they both didn't talk much with me. And then they moved.
Ok - back to the insight. I thought about taking the money. Then I thought and saw how often I would steal candy/chocolates from the store. I saw how once I took a lot of candy and at school I offered some to the girls, and everyone was grabbing at me to get some, to the point where they were even following me into the bathroom door. After they had basically taken everything, they were gone. And I went into the bathroom and was emotionally sick at what happened.
I thought too on the money and food, on how they related. That's why now it still relates. There is too the social/friendship aspect.
Which then I remembered being older - as in early 30's, or late 20's, and Nancy from church was my 'friend'. She needed a loan, which I gave her some money, and then she offered to invest some money from me asap, again as a friend I wanted to believe her - twice!!! Then she said she knew a veterinarian who was single and wanted to meet me..... never happened of course. And she was gone. Later the Pastor asked if I had loaned money to her - yes. Not a good idea. Kinda knew that already! Could have warned me earlier. Nancy did write me a letter saying she was sorry, and would pay me back everything. That never happened of course.
I did my best to heal and talk and change all those points. Know there were beliefs created about money, power and friendships, and food in there. I got them to see some of it and take their (my) powers back. Little one told Linda off and what's what. I talked to them about the stealing and foods related etc. I showed them that if I didn't have the money for candy then A) I didn't need it. B) if I had some money I could save some of it for later - and buy a chocolate when I had all the money instead and C) that abundance comes from unexpected sources at times - like finding all those pennies the one time. Or when I found the $2 bill. (remember $2 was a lot at that time).
I had used the $2 to get a hair cut as mom was coming back from Germany with my sister. She had left me alone with father for 3 weeks. Hum. Let's let that be.
Unfortunately, with $2 I could only get my hair cut at the barber instead of the hairdresser. And he was creepy. So I had to change that vision/memory into something better. By asking the hair dresser if for $2 she could do anything about cutting my hair. Which of course she said she could - by skipping washing and curling. I never as a child asked her as I was afraid and just went to the barber instead. So there was beliefs and power issues there.
It was a bit tricky with feeling so ill to focus and send healing to those times, but I did my best, and I think I will do some more healing with someone else / and Joan on them.
And I continue to just say cool in the house.
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