I've been working thru (?) that jealousy. That's got me down too. I happened to be on f/b and saw Michelle's post that she had a another great playdate on Saturday. I continued down - not on her post - but to see my next post. As I did I saw something and had to go back to read it. One of the comments was 'look forward to seeing everyone on Monday at 830am'.... and then Michelle saying 'Yes!!!!!!' That rubbed the wound a bit. We had made plans to meet on Monday at 830am. I just can't bring Jax to the big park. He doesn't like to play with the big dogs.
As the dog care centre owner Wendy once told me - Jax is friendly with all, but will only play with those he likes. I see that even in the small park. There are very few he will play completely with. He will say hi, he will run a bit with them... but then come back to me or go and sniff. I saw how with the big dogs at the small park on Friday he just didn't play with Gracie.... until the big ones left. Then with the two new little ones, he said hi and went back to play with Gracie.
I thought about it. I will go on Monday at 830 as I promised. I will also not make anything about us being there. If Michelle and Gracie choose to come over to the small side, that's fine. I also see I can't do a hope of friendship with her. I need to back off inside myself, clear out my ego, and just be friendly.
I realized too, after I had made a simple get well card for Muriel - who lives in New Brunswick and was a co-worker (we still talk once in a blue moon) .... again that my friends are far away. No one close to say hey, let's go for a coffee..... I'm bored, come over. And then I realized the card making is triggering this and bringing it up. How? Because cards are made to be given or sent to someone. And I don't have that many people to give them too. Making them reminds me of this. I liked the card I made for Muriel. It was one that I got to colour in the stamp. I think that gave me some peace for a while from my turbulent
emotions.
I do look forward to getting those paint pencils as I want to try making something with them. I don't think I will make so much cards, as I will make drawing paintings.
I was un-hungry all day yesterday too. (un-hungry = not body hungry, but wanting to eat because emotionally hungry) I just so wanted to eat. I know I had a bit more yesterday, but I was able to keep within what I can eat. Between card making fails and bringing up emotions... and apparently when one lets go of weight (as in losing weight) it releases emotions that had been 'in the fat cells too'. Don't know about that last one, but it sounds believable! ha
Didn't rain as much as we need. Saturday we read the papers and watched tv. Today (Sunday) more tv. Think I will get back to my painting.
And tomorrow.... the SMALL dog park.......
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