Spooky

Tomorrow is Halloween.  Not doing anything.  Last year we handed out candy, but after much discussion back and forth, we decided not to hand out candy.  We didn't want it around, and heaven forbid there would be some left over!  Going to put a streamer around the post by the walkway so it will help let them know as our lights go on automatically.

Spent the morning plasticing up the back deck/porch.  Stapled heavy plastic around.  Just the one side is open as A) ran out of plastic and B) too big/wide to put the plastic up.  Don't think it will be too bad on that side as the wind really doesn't come that way.  I have a plastic 'door' open for the moment as the weather is still nice.  I have stapled it up top so I can pull it down and put the heavy pot on it.  And then Jax can go out the big/wide side to go into the year.  Sadly I don't see the birds either as the plastic isn't clear.  At least there, hopefully, wont be snow at the kitchen door.  I also added rope over the plastic to help hold it so it doesn't strain the plastic.

Then I talked with Joan this afternoon.

I don't know if it helped or made things worse.  I did feel pretty happy this morning.  Now I feel like I want to die or destroy myself.  

We talked about the issue of taking care of my health and self.  Kinda came do to a past life where I was a man.  As a boy - very happy farm life, then a plague came thru the town.  Parents died, me only child, about 8-9 yrs old.  Had to survive which I manage overall - not great, but did it.  Then about 30 yrs was down at the docks.  Got hit over the head and dragged onto a ship.  Woke with the choice to be threw overboard or become a sailor.  Yeah - choose the sailor life.  

Came out with learning in this life to take control of my life, have faith in myself, choose to believe in self.  Things along that line.  Taking that - I do understand that being positive and believing in self / loving self is important.  And yet I feel awful.  Awful and swollen.

Don't know what to do about the outcome, so I'm just going to leave it for the moment.

Keto wise - I think I have to give up the dairy.  I think that's what's making me swollen.  Sad as I've been doing recipes with dairy that have been good.  Guess I could try them with cashew dairy.

And then again..... this all could just be the MTX.  Took my shot yesterday.  Let's just say that's what it is.

And so....  Happy Halloween!