Word of the Day

Today's new word is:  Costochondritis.

Costochondritis is an inflammation of the cartilage in the rib cage. The condition usually affects the cartilage where the upper ribs attach to the breastbone, or sternum, an area known as the costosternal joint or costosternal junction. Chest pain caused by costochondritis can range from mild to severe.

I thought there must be some diagnose of my chest pain.  Sure enough.  I knew it wasn't my lungs or my heart.  This explains it.  And why I can't do anything for the next three weeks.  It just has to heal.  Not going to kill me, and nothing that can be done about it but wait.  Sounds like a lot of things I have.... just wait. 

I feel a bit better emotionally.  Physically I hurt, and sort feels like I have that cold coming back.  Trying to get on top of it though.  Jax is sad.  Not walking him much.  Just the back yard and a bit of a walk.  At least on Tuesday he goes to day care and grooming.  Gets his Christmas Do.

I've been reading that Toltec book.  Interesting.  He talks that you are the author and write your own story.  So if you don't like the story - change it.  It's basically all energy, and one can change the direction of that energy or story of your life.  I've also noticed lately I've been talking or thinking of God.  Kinda scares me.  Sad part is when I realize I've been talking to God, I remind myself that I can't trust, and I really don't get answers from God.  Which I struggle with because I also know that God is trustworthy and does answer.  Part of it is I don't know the questions so how can I get answers.

I feel a bit empty.  And if I want to change the story.... what do I want to change the story to????  I guess that's the major question I currently have.  I have no idea.  I really do enjoy being content at home.  I love my pets and hubby.  I love that I don't have to get up to go somewhere everyday - that I don't HAVE to be somewhere that I don't want to be.  I love being able to walk Jax, to go and garden.  I love that I am able to shop when I feel like it.  To do my art.  To read.

Do I want to volunteer?  A horrible as it sounds - hell, no.  Not to say I don't want to be kind and helpful.  I do my best to do that everyday.  Eg. as much as it was killing me before I went to the NP for my chest pain, I saw two old neighbors attempting to shovel their driveway.  They had most of it done, but still I parked my car, got the shovel, walked over and told them who I was, and offered to help, even though they said it was ok, I still shoveled a bit/finished.  They were waiting for meals on wheels to come and didn't understand why the company who shovels for them didn't come.  Finished and walked home.  Thought I could have fallen on the road with the pain I was feeling in my chest, but made it home.  That kind of volunteering is what I desire to do (minus the chest pain of course!).

So what in the story do I want to change?  Probably some of my eating/foods etc.  Which I can do if I really wanted to.  Then why the emptiness?  Love myself?  Probably could work on that story line too.  Though other then to love myself, I don't know how to change that story line as I don't know what that story line looks like.  It's an abstract art design thought.

I wish I knew what the questions were............