Replies

I KNOW!  Finally I write about Joan's answer!  I got Joan's reply and thoughts on my 'vision'.  It took a few days.  That's why I thought I'd be kind to you and post what I was going thru daily, and post daily, instead of doing my usual every other day posting.

So here's her reply email, my re-reply to her, and her re-re-reply one.  Ends with basically... more waiting and working on it.

from Joan

Hi Cattarina,

I have been meditating on this and this is what has come up.

I feel you are seeing the baby because you were so wounded  at that time. It was taking you back to a younger you, when all that happened to you, you went back into your child memories.   This was created many, many life times ago.  Also the feelings and beliefs that you created at this time keep coming back with every life you have had.  This is causing a strong emotional reaction in you and with different times you are unsure of how to process these past emotions.

I'm picking up that, you at that time had feelings of love for animals and that you did not want to hurt them.  That you were willing to take there hurt instead.  This is how much of caring,loving person you are.  Willing to take all the painful feelings, so someone else or even animals will not have to go through this painful process.

Seeing the baby pigs again is bring up your iner child, where your had your first soul fragment.  We all have this memories that have been locked in time.  We often deal with them, try

to cover up the pain by eating to much, or eating the wrong foods.  Drinking to much or taking drugs, just to try to block bringing up the triggers to bring these emotions from the past into our daily life.  

I feel the 5 was, 5 life times ago when this soul fragment impacked your life very strongly.  Because you are going through the process of healing yourself, you are exploring past thoughts, feelings and beliefs.  As a result of that you are triggering all the experiences from that time.

Let me know if anything comes up.  I will continue to meditate on this and will let you know if there is anything you need to know before that next session.  Keep journaling about everything, it will be use.

You take extra care of yourself.  Do something special for yourself.  You deserve it.  Feel very proud of yourself that you are doing all this work on yourself.  Try to go to a happy memory if you are feeling down.  Looking forward to our next session.

Big hug,

Joan

from me

Thank you for your insights.  As I read there is an edge of wanting to cry.  Yeah, but I can't get to it.

I feel sad.  I feel like I just can't seem to get in touch with emotions to the point of healing them.  They are free falling and as soon as I reach for one they just evaporate.  Unable to grasp the truth of the emotion.  Elusive.

I feel like I will be doing this for the rest of my life.....just as I have been doing all my life.  Longing to change.  Long to heal so that I change.  And at this point, I can't even see how or what would change in me as my neronets are so deeply worn in those grooves.

Sigh.

Look forward to talking with you.  Will continue on....as that neronets is ingrained too!  Hahaha.  😺😮

Hugs

from Joan

ts just going to take time.  I know you can do it.  

Hugs

my last reply

was just a GIF of a hug.

So that's where it's left at this moment.