MeMeMeMeeeeeee

I read other blogs once in a while.  Most of them offer information, recipes, much more interesting lives then me I think.  I tend to post mostly, often, usually, ok.... all the time about me.

Sometimes I think I'm too involved with myself.  Life long issue then.

AJ is good with me.  He's amazing and patient and listens.  Considering how ill I can get at times, and how sad, crying, he continues to hold space (more on about hold space in another blog one day) for me to feel and heal.  I have always said AJ taught me to love and heal.  He healed a large part of me. 

I'm worried about AJ.

His blood work came back screwy as I mentioned before.  He was to see the specialist on Feb 6.  The doc called and canceled that appointment.  We see the doc now on Tuesday Jan 30th.  Someone is concerned about the blood work too I think.

What am I going to do without AJ? 

I can see that I wouldn't want to date or meet another man.  Just thinking of that makes me exhausted.  Too much work.  And besides, I am high maintenance.  AJ is able to do it, but I doubt there is another at this point.  

Annnnddddd now I continue, in a better frame of mind.

AJ was having trouble with his stroke side leg.  He's been struggling to get up off chairs etc.  That's been going on for about 6 months.  It concerned/concerns me as what are we going to do if he can't get off chairs/bed etc.  And what's going on?

He went to Toronto for his Director meeting (he volunteers) that night he was at the hotel and because he almost buckled during the day with his leg, he started sending light to every cell of his being.  Next morning, the waiter helped him off the chair at breakfast, but by the time he got home that night, his leg was feeling better for the first time in months.  Praise God!!!!  He says it twinges now, but is like his normal.

We had gone to the NP this week, she's sending him to Sarnia for an MRI on his back and legs.  Almost on Monday for Xrays.  Just to toss it in there, I'm getting an XRay on my chest on Monday too.  I had gone to NP too as my chest continues to be a bit of an issue when it's cold outside and I'm walking Jax.

On Wednesday AJ gets to go to the skin doctor.  That was a surprise that it was so quick.  We thought in would take about 3 months or so.  I guess because he had the cancer mole removed, the new Dr wanted to see him asap.  Friday we get the results from the surgeon from that removal.  Glad to be rid of that doctor.  He wasn't the most pleasant.

Really, I don't know what I'd do without AJ.  It would be lonely for me.  I tell him he has to stay with me, and say healthy!