Like why did I come up with that picture in my head of a tribe/leader bent over eating/fire and then ribs....and then me being the ribs. How weird. It amazes me that such random pictures appear. But then were they random? I just saw suddenly.
Then I wonder:
Is that why I'm not interested in pork? That I have a slight allergy to pork foods? Always struggle with the taste of it/thought of it. Yet chicken, beef, turkey and some fish is fine. I have a bit of uninterest in other seafoods.....oh great is that another issue to remember then?
Does that explain why I've always been a bit nervous, intrigued, leery of fires? Then again on that, my father was a fire fighter so it might be stories he would occasionally tell. I'd go with him sometimes when it was a grass fire, tho I HAD to stay in the car. Bit boring doing that, never really saw much.
On that, I wonder if my father was the leader? Just kinda fits for some reason. Along that then too, I think AJ was there. But AJ was just one of the tribe members, not one of the ones who helped. Don't know why I think that.
I paint/draw a tree on a hill or a house a lot when I just don't know what to paint. But sometimes.....I am drawn to caves, fire and stick figures. As I think of them it's tribal, and mostly night drawing/paintings. Tho to be fair that could just be the mystic issue around it all that draws me in and I'm wanting.
What about authority figures? They scare me. Have had fear about them and what they could/would do to me. Always have. As though they have the power over my life. They can hurt me. Again that could just be cuz of father's abuse towards me. Hum, him being my father and abuse.....and him being leader and his destruction of me???
And about the cut.....How strange that all my operations are around my stomach/hip areas. That leads to the baby.
The baby - I had one pregnancy that never resulted in a baby, had lost it.
Still in that lower area - I always was hyper about the size of my hips/lower abdomen area and very focused on getting rid of that fat. Not in the rib area, I know, but more in the 'baby' area. Which I had a hysterectomy too,
More trauma that I am drawn to remembering has to do with the cutting up, removal of the baby, intestines and organs area. The ribs were just left overs. I was still barely alive with those things happening then with the ribs. I think the ribs just bring me into it as they are a more calmer thing for me to be able to look at.
Interesting too is that my major weight tends to be around my stomach, and years ago towards my hips, and also some on my back - around the rib area. My arms, legs and somewhat face aren't overweight that much. Granted some weight needs to go there to help me walk etc, but when you look at me from the back - I'm not that overweight looking, until you see my sideways and from the front. I've looked 'pregnant' for years.
Then I move on and wonder about my detachment abilities. I feel it for a moment, see it, focus on it and boom I'm detached from it all and it just appears as a visual story to me.
Can I really heal things if I don't connect anymore?
And what about....why is everything connected to past things? Why do I need to go to the past to heal things? Why can't things just be healed and I move forward - AND GET RESULTS THAT I CAN SEE!
Really, will I be writing about similar issues in 10 years? God I hope not!!!!!
Soul Retrieval? How am I going to do that, if that's what I need?
Haven't heard anything from Joan as of this point. Decided to up my Reiki appointment with Diane from June 6 to tomorrow. She had time - yah.
Finally, why can't I access more information then - especially since I want to. I've thought on it, spaced on it, stared out into the garden on it, and thought about it before falling asleep - with listening to memory recall beats and nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing after that bath and those 'memories'.
Why am I stuck or stopped here then? Why show me this much and then f*n leave me with nothing else on it. How does that help me more forward into the future.
Which cycles me around again to does it matter? Will this change anything in me, for me?
Sigh.
No comments:
Post a Comment