Today's Post

Note!  I found out that there are apps which I can do speak to text.  Yeah, even MORE rambling allowed.  ha ha ha.  But then too it helps to get down what I am thinking easier, and then edit it as I post.  Hopefully this, and the next posts, as it's really long, will make sense - with just a tad of my convoluted thinking.

Here goes: 

I hate this. I really struggle with the truth. I know that things can be changed and that you can create things in your head. Actually even scientists have gone on to prove that they can create a false memory. Because of that, I often wonder if what I think is true.  They've actually done studies where they have told certain participant's that they had something happened to them as a kid and eventually those people actually believed it. So that makes me wonder when I look back on the past as to whether or not what I remember is really the truth. But this isn't the first time I've written about this.  It's just that it comes up again and again because of how ambiguous things are. 

Thinking about what  was said with Joan and what came out of that session. And then I wondered okay is it true or is it not true. Is it something that I am creating in my head to give answers as to why.

I'm sitting here like, I really don't even know what to say because I keep going back to truth. And then I sort of feel like I could cry just because I guess I'm thinking about the session with Joan and came up about it.

After I talked with her and it wasn't really overly resolved I had decided to do suggested take a bath, cleaned out the tub and sat in an Epsom salt bath.  (after sitting in the garden and then going and pulling more weeds out)

I kind of just let my mind wander on everything that had happened and what have been said I kind of started either thinking of answers or creating answers. I wondered why on certain things and then I would start kind of not really deciding, but how it fit more like letting my mind go and coming up with an answer and then following that thought to another question.

So here I am, thinking all day on things from the session and from the bath. I didn't get any specific dreams that night so I'm just left with the thoughts, whys and wonders.

The session was in a way good, I was happy to talk with Joan.  It was left unresolved - at least for the moment.  She said I would eventually get thru it.