This is your last warning!!!
Ok, here it goes.
AJ and I were in Toronto for our appointments a few weeks ago. At the hotel we cuddled into sex. No surprise. Now I know my sex drive is low. Has been all my life. At times of being slim I basically had to push myself into having sex. It's not that I don't like it, it's just a lot of work for me. I wonder if some of my past history has something to do with some of it - even with all the therapy I've had. I DO enjoy hugging, kissing, cuddling, hand holding, physical contact. Sex with AJ is the best I've had, so I do enjoy that. Stress causes me to avoid too. I am so blessed with a hubby that is kind, patient and does not push sex on me. I am so grateful for that. And there is a big part of me that wants more with him.
Over the years I have known I've been in either pre menopause or menopause. I've had blood work done, which no doctor as told me I was in either or what to do. I have had issues that I figured were related to menopause too. A few years ago having sex with AJ would sorta hurt. I was 'wet', but it hurt a bit. I figured I was a little dry due to menopause issues. I read some on it and overall not much out of it. I had the hot flashes which I would again tell the doctor. Nothing.
Because I had a hysterectomy about 15 years ago, most doctors said I didn't need, or wouldn't give me a pap test. And I didn't push it because, well there wasn't much there. I knew about possible cervix cancer but that wasn't a major issue I figured. With dryness I didn't know what to do, and I didn't think there was much more to it.
Well THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!!
Why, oh why doesn't anyone ever talk about it. Why isn't it more out there?
After the hotel incident, I mentioned it to RA doc (as I have written before) and she said I needed to have a pap test first and then find out about estrogen cream. I called NP and booked.
Because I also wanted to talk to NP about the cancer doctor and I was afraid, I made AJ come with me. During pap he studied his phone! ha ha ha. What a wonderful, supportive hubby. The NP looked up there, did the pap and as she studied 'me', she explained that there was dryness, but more importantly atrophy on the one side. WHAT? She explained how over the years and in menopause the vagina could develop atrophy. That would explain why sex was painful and hurt. (The hotel incident was horrible, so bad I was balling so much - as in crying. AJ felt awful. I felt awful and in pain that was worse then the pain I'm usually in). NP gave me a prescription for Vagifem cream, told me to use it and come back in a few weeks to see how I was.
Of course I looked up vaginal atrophy. There is a lot on it. I so wish I had known earlier. I feel awful that I didn't deal with sooner. Worse I don't know if I can have sex again - intercourse. It does make me sad as I don't want to give up that part of me with my hubby. How could I have not read about it?
If anything I would push those menopause speakers to talk about vaginal atrophy. Get the word out there so that women can do something about it...if they want. And I want to. I'm trying to do things now, but I don't know how well it will help. Guess time will tell, and of course at some point I will have to be brave enough to attempt sex again with AJ. One day I will let you know what happened then.
Yup, I warned you it was TMI. 😱
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