Oh the Sounds of Thinking

I know, my Easter blogs were just photos - kinda busy, but wanted to keep in touch.  We had a quiet weekend.  Read the paper Saturday, and went to my mom's on Sunday.  Long day - long drive.  Was nice though.  Sister was there with family too.  She's coming over here on Friday with a friend.  They are in London for a seminar on Saturday.   

Few mornings ago I woke about 530am and all I could think of was shut up.  No, not the birds etc but the voices in my head.  I just wanted to sleep some more and as soon as I woke.....BAM thinking was turned on.  Actually I think, thinking was on all night.  Sometimes I get so tired of all the thinking.  I'm not sure how to turn it off and just space.

Don't know why lately I can't stop thinking.  And it's not like I'm overly thinking the same thing..... mostly.  I think on almost everything.  I go thru what I thought, what I saw, what I remember, what was said, why .......

I think on AJ and his thinking.  That concerns me.  Not my thinking on it, but his thinking, or more to the point, his remembering.  His mother had a bit of dementia in her 90s.  I sometimes wonder if he's getting a bit already.  

It exhausts me at times - all the thinking.  Currently I know I'm perplexed on things so that makes me think more.  I really don't know what to do about the Metho.  I don't know what to do about the pain.  I don't know what to do about the foods.  I don't know why to do the foods.  I don't know what is best about my weight.  I don't know what to do about AJ's forgetting.  I don't know what to do about my art...well that one I'll just continue doing.  I don't know what to do about money and spending and saving.  I don't know what to do about the thyroid meds.  I don't know what to do about my ups and downs - I'm so fed up with those crappy days, and it makes the better days sad as I know I'll end up having crappy days again.  Yeah - think on the positive - don't feel it.... which goes into don't know what to do about my God issues/feelings/the void/Spirit etc.  Basically I don't know what to do about or with my life.  Oh, this is sucking again and it pisses me off.  So, let's stop thinking about it.

Have been thinking on the MGUS too.  We talked about it on the drive to mom's, and AJ said maybe getting a second opinion from a cancer doctor.  I did find a support group but for Multiple Myeloma in London.  Sent an email to ask about a doctor.  I have the blood work to do this or next month and will see what those results are.  Have to think on it....or not.