I know I've written about this before, Do We Really Change? I've read about people that have really changed. But what about the rest? What if the change is more minor/major changes or improvements. I've met people that were so into drugs and bad things, they found a way, and their life is so very different - they are married, upstanding member, polite, helpful etc. No longer that hard fighting drug user. (Yes, I know this person)
Why is this coming up again?
Because..... years and years ago I went for a week of healing on co-dependency. We ended up being 5 people (I believe it was 5 might have been 6 or 7) but 5 of us as a group that connected. 2 guys, 3 girls. We met after that week for a few months. As time went on, we all drifted apart except me and Jan. We continued a friendship even though at the time we lived about 3 hours apart. Then after about 2 years, we met, and ????? I'm not sure what happened. What I do know was I was getting pissed with her for some reason. It wasn't that she was doing anything malicious. It was definitely more me. But it came off of - as near as I can figure, every time we connected, she was doing great! Really finding out things, improving, etc. It was like her life was always so much more better, more healing, etc then mine. It would sound like she was ? not exactly rubbing it in, but implying it was so much better.
That being said..... even if it is true that she found insights, better life, I am happy for her. It just irks me some how the way she writes it. And then it makes me wonder about my life - have there been changes?
Well, weight - definitely! Ha ha ha. But other things inside me. Have I become more truer the me I truly am? Has my Divine Spirit shone more?
In ways, I still feel I struggle with the same issues or goals. I've looked and tried numerous different ways, but in the end, I come back to the beginning, back to the same weight, back to the same issues and goals and dreams. Granted, yes, some change or happen. Being married is a big change/dream that has changed. Having a house is another. Tho the mortgage wasn't in the dream.
When I look at AJ, I don't see any change. Health wise - yes. But personality - not any big ones.... unless you count he's more patient and understanding with me. Guess again that's a big change! But otherwise, he's much the same as when we met and married. He's never aimed to change or improve as he's never felt the need to that. Not like me.
I've always been looking at growing, developing, changing, improving. Being more Divine Me. I asked him. AJ said I was still basically the same. So really, in 10 years, nothing has changed in me. I feel or think I have changed and grown. But not in AJ's eyes. That breaks my heart. Saddens my soul.
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