I don't really know why now. I think moving to the Cove and over the last 3 years has healed me emotionally, physically and spiritually more. Also that 50 yr belief of I can stop worrying over everyone's opinion of me has helped. Not perfect at that, but overall I believe it.
I suspect too that Jax (realized AJ and JJ are too close in names and JJ's name is Jax) has been a big help. He got me walking, that cleared my head. Even the short walks on the days I'm not well helped physically. Spiritually, the peace, green grass and garden have calmed my soul. AJ's unwavering love has melted off emotional scars. I'm beginning to see and for the first time be myself.
With that - I notice I'm ready. Not just to try it for a bit, but to do it. I feel better on those days where I eat less sugar, wheat, carbs, and notice what happens on the days where I eat too much of them. Spirit has brought me to a place where I can see myself - and has also brought into my life those things, like RH and Dr Poon, this blog, other blogs etc to help me. Funny how one can know of something for years and years and yet not notice them - then suddenly it's like oh wow, this is it!!! I know low carb, I've done low carb. I know no sugar - I did no sugar on a program for 3 months, I was nuts emotionally. The program had no sugar at all - which was fine - but had a carb amount at each meal. I wasn't losing weight, but I was losing my mind on it. I would talk to the director and say the carbs were too much for me and she would say eat them or else you are not on the program basically. You can guess the outcome with that.
One of the things I was worried about was my pattern of weight loss. As you can read it involved pills, mega exercise, not a lot of food and dating. Since the pills and dating are out, and I know now one needs food with a balance of exercise.... I was afraid I couldn't do it - I couldn't lose the weight properly.
This past year has taught me (my Spirit guides are kind on me) that I can eat. I have come to understand what I knew already in a new way. I knew high carbs (big in vegetarianism), sugars and too much fats/salt isn't healing for my being - spiritually, physically or emotionally. I have never been as happy as I have been these last few years. Even my down, painful days are more manageable. I also have come to know - the one thing in both those last two weight loss times I do need is - support/monitoring. I did better when I had the chance to talk with others, to be accountable. I'm one of those that tends to be alone. And I don't do well in some areas alone, weight loss is one of them.
I've read blogs where they are doing it for their kids. I don't have any. (neither does AJ). So what is my motivation? I've wondered that myself since starting this. It's not AJ or Jax, they love me as I am. Could be health. But that's not a driving factor for me I think, otherwise I would have done it long ago.
I'm just now ready. Even though I'm going to RH Nov 7, I notice how I'm already making wiser choices, because.... well, because I'm ready to live. Not for someone else like I did before (what do you think all that dating was about?), or for AJ either. It's for me. Fabulously Awesome ME.
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