Found It

Well, I sorta found my head.  I was able to figure out that the condo in Sarnia was not the right move at this time.

As I looked at the yard and processed moving from it, I realized it probably wouldn't make me as happy as being here.  Then we looked at the condo again and realized it wasn't really big enough for us.  The view... that was the only thing that was still the best.  We looked at a few others in the area, and there was one other condo that would be much better - but it was only a one bedroom, not for us.  Good if it was just me, but not both of us.  So, contently we continue to stay here.

I got a response from Joan who basically said I was in the process of healing, to keep going at it, and that moving wasn't the best at this time.  Which aligned with what we decided.

Yesterday was a bad day.  Very bad.  Very, very I wish I was dead bad.  

I can't believe how stupid and ?afraid?, unwilling I am to just stop wheat/gluten, go onto ketos.  I have been in so much horrible chest pain.  So inflamed I think.  Partly it's so much to give up.  Not like just tomatoes.  It's tons of different foods that have it in.  It's emotional eating.  It's spaced out, nauseated MTX side effects.  It's fatigued eating.  It's we are out, let's grab lunch/breakfast/dinner/snack eating.  It's we are invited for lunch to someone's house eating.  The out and house eating doesn't bother me as much as the other eatings.  And there's no guarantee that if I do go low carb/keto etc that it will actually help.  When I was doing low carb/ IP/IPA I still had some chest pain and fatigue.  I still couldn't cut the grass in one shot.  And taking the MTX shots....that nausea and down just really doesn't help me.  I struggle to fight that.  I just can't see how to do the answers - if they really are the answers.  

I did find the other day a place in London and one in Mt Brydges that offer keto foods pre-made.  Since we were going to go to Sarnia on Monday, have Jax in daycare already, we are going to go to London instead.  Thought we would go check out the one place.  See if I can get a few things to try.  Aim is to have some frozen things that I have ready for those 'don't/unable to cook' days.  I want to go thru what I still have on the low carb/IPA bars left and see how much I have.  I think I'm still going to end up starting keto around Thanksgiving.  Keep ending up going towards that time.  Not that I'm going to continue blindly.  I did have some IPA muffins I had made for breakfast today.  I am trying to get onto it.  

AJ wondered if I struggling with succeeding.  That I didn't believe I could succeed.  Have success.  Interesting.  It's the flip side of I need to punish myself.  Going to do some tapping on that.  Might help.  Can't hurt.

Still coughing.  That doesn't make me feel all that well either.  Sleeping a bit more too.  Sore throat continues.