Hi Joan,
I've been thinking of you but unable to figure out why to talk to you.
I've been busy working on tapping....even Tony is tapping on money. (He's doing it right now on his own). I've been tapping on money and looking at it in weight/eating.
My healthy eating went out the window lately. Abundantly I keep believing we are $$$.
I just came back from the dog park. Was in there for a while alone with the dog, decided to tap leaning against a tree. Tapped on not wanting to lose weight etc. As I was in the middle of it a car drove up so I quickly finished. She got out with two big dogs. Something inside me thought no. I called Jax to me picked him up even though that's not a good thing as the two came running. The husky jumped me as I yelled NO. DOWN. NO. NO. DOWN. OFF. She finally called the dog that didn't listen of course and kept walking away from me.
All I could feel was scared and rage. Unable to even think what to say that she would get allowing her dog to jump on me was unacceptable. Do I tell someone else? Then what will result? Nothing as she will say well she shouldn't have a small dog in the big park or pick it up.
Rage. My chest hurt from so much anger. I was shaking from being scared and angry.
Other then this being an immediate response to my tapping. ??? Which then is a hahaha thanks!
Is this rage statement above something I can tap out or need more help with. I think this is a big click from childhood. First time I can really touch rage or anger about things. And put it into a sentence/words.
As I drove home raging I could feel how much mom would let things (father abuse) happen to me and pretend it wasn't happening even if I said it did. How others would allow hurt upon me or just hurt me without care.
Trying to bring back rage - even to the woman at the park now - I don't touch it, just swallow and hold together.
Thoughts? Tap? Talk?
Thanks.
😊
PS Yeah, after I wrote this I still did shove something in my mouth........
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